Making a choice.
By the time I got to the age where I could readily admit that failing wasn't a definition of who I am, I had already accepted a lot of lies about myself. There was a lot of identity crisis where I was concerned and I mostly followed the crowd for fear of missing out. Always trying to blend in to the point that when I was alone, there was always a cacophony of voices that made it seem like I was going crazy.
But I guess that is the thing with teenage years. We face all that to find who we are and most times, our teen years are filled with a lot of mistakes. Mistakes upon mistakes! By the time I began to find myself, I had to learn to be alone. I had to accept the fact that the road I was prepared to take required me making that hard choice; going alone.
The Fear of being alone.
That is one decision that most people can't make because the fear of being alone is just crippling. The road that holds our destiny might just be right in our faces but the fact that we have to go alone is an instantaneous deal breaker.
The first thing I had to overcome was my fear of being alone and after that, came the fear of letting go and then dealing with the talks. This is the aftermath that comes with failing sometime in our plans, goals or visions. I learned that during growth and the way to greatness would require mistakes as that is how we evolve.
Failure is not the end.
Brian Tracy quoted that "failure is success turned downside up". Which means that you can't succeed when you have not failed. T.D Jakes says, "Before you come to me with your success story, show me your blueprint".
The fact is, failure is inevitable. If we would get out of the situations that makes us feel helpless, then we have to let go of the fear of failing. However, what do we do when we are faced with situations incorporated with failure?
Dealing with Failure.
Carol S. Dweck in her book, Mindset: The Psychology of Success, made me understand that our response to stimuli is as a result of what we are inside, what we have fed ourselves and perhaps the circumstances surrounding it. Joseph Murphy's The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind also iterated this point with the fact that the subconscious flows with the instructions it receives from the spirit (which is you). So, if you believe that one failure defines you, then it will.
My good friend, @tengolotodo, has dealt with me during my lowest points. I experience the feeling of failure a lot and my first response isn't always positive. I have my own mechanism. Just like every one else, I have a system that works for me. When I begin to feel overwhelmed, the first thing I do is accept it. I go ahead and break down, I cry. This always helps me because after the tears fall, there is clarity.
Then I go ahead and run a quick analysis on the problem. I apply Brian Tracy's problem solving techniques:
- I accept that there is a problem and that I am responsible
- I look at the problem and ask probing questions. I make sure to answer myself truthfully.
- I carefully analyze those answers and find a better approach.
- I analyze my new answers and come up with a back up.
These steps seem easy till you sit down and try to think. I learned something recently from Robert Kiyosaki. I don't use the words, "I can't..." as these words close up the mind and stop it from really functioning and coming up with solutions. So what I do is ask myself, "How can I...?" And frankly, I started applying the formula just few days ago and there has been a lot of changes with the way I see things and what I can achieve.
Conclusion
I believe that Failure is only the beginning. So, I won't stop. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times. The 1001 time was the charm.
