A few days ago, I opened up to a very good friend of mine about what I had been experiencing lately with my mental health. I had real questions that she could not provide all the answers to but always a sweet soul, she listened without judgements and replied me with nothing but love. I have only a few people like this in my life that I can confidently confide in and not regret it. She picked on a few statements I made and gave me what I would like to refer to as pointers. It was not all the answer but having someone with experience look at it with me felt like all the support in the world.
I began a challenge this month involving just me. While this challenge was made for one reason only, which is to discipline myself and learn to do things even when I don’t want to, I can see other effects beginning to surface. One of which is identifying triggers. I may have finally discovered a trigger to my downward spiral. I feel like there are so many factors that contribute to this event. Still, today, I could not overlook the possibility of my efforts being my downfall.
I have been on a steady lane for the past ten days. Setting goals, getting things done and just being happy with myself. However, the beginning is not always bumpy. We see it daily with people when they start a new job, settle in a new environment, enter a new relationship and so on. It is always a sweet ride in the beginning. A foreshadow of what it is supposed to be. The release of endorphins and dopamine cloud our senses making us ride a constant high that makes us think we are finally getting there. We have that spark, that zeal to do more and we find ourselves doing it. That is until we need to do more.
Satisfaction, however you see it, can carry different meanings. Depending on when and where plus the categories of event surrounding the use of the word, satisfaction may be a good thing or a not so good thing. When a man is satisfied, it means that his expectations have been met. He does not feel the need to correct or change anything. Now, in my case, satisfaction is supposed to be a good thing. I have felt is for the past few days when I would shut my little green book filled with the highlights of my day. I completed each mission successfully. However, I think I overdosed on it.
It is possible to be satisfied with past results and decide to relax for one day. In fact, we may be oblivious to how much we are okay with everything until we begin to notice that we are shutting down. I am not ignorant to the law of growth, which is practically leaving your comfort zone. Therefore, when I woke up late today and did not feel the need to write those goals down, or read my book, or come on hive, I looked at it with more scrutiny than I have in the past. While this is the sign to deploy discipline, I have been in such other situations before and discipline does not cut it. What could be the problem? What have I missed?
The answer presents itself while I am on my couch going through a new discovery that will help increase my income, when I shifted positions and realized I found the perfect spot and do not want to move. This feeling of satisfaction, I realized, was merely the result of events that took place. I cannot reveal the details here because they are very personal but I got the answer. These things happened, I got satisfied and I woke up feeling good that I forgot that there is still work to be done. I am someone who takes pleasure in working and while I need to go off once a while and relax, I must admit that there are circumstances that will permit I do and right now, wasn’t one of them. This hit me.
I was satisfied briefly and then tempted to sit back and do nothing which is not a bad thing but will come to bite me in the arse later because it was excessively early to think of resting. Moreover, satisfaction is not a bad thing. However, like I pointed out in the beginning, people reach that point where they have gotten comfortable with what is happening around them and just remain there. That job becomes something you do daily and you remain stuck in a fixed mindset. That relationship is just that. A relationship. No growth, just stagnant.
Finding out that one of my triggers is that I get comfortable easily is something I can work with. I just have to take my time with tackling it. No rush. The beauty to every problem is not always the solution but the process in between.
All Images are Mine
