(original source unknown)
I hope to one day be able to write about toxic relationships - both the one I left in 2004 (someone with strong narcissistic traits) and the one I've just left, but the person who read almost none of my posts while we were together is now reading my blog here... so, some of that will simply have to wait. Distance in time will soften the edge of what I need to share - I hope.
How do you break up with someone without hurting them? I don't think it's possible, sadly... especially when one partner is still madly in love, whether or not they're able to live it consistently. (None of us live it 100% of the time, after all.)
One of the reasons why I end up in toxic relationships is because I tolerate it at the early stages when I should be paying attention to the red flags that wave. I explain it away that it's because of this - or at least it's not that... Except then I am unhappy - and in this case, my children were also unhappy. (And often it's the children that prompt a woman (especially) to leave, what might appear to outsiders, to be a healthy relationship.)
A family friend of mine, many years ago, after leaving my first toxic relationship, told me that a woman with young children in her care does not leave a relationship for "no reason." It was something I held onto then - and again now. (I might be repeating myself here, but it's worth repeating.) There are probably exceptions, but the vast majority of women are not going to "rock the boat" of a stable life just because they stop being in love. They just don't. It's too risky, too scary. Heck, many women in far worse situations than I've ever been in stay for precisely that reason - because they don't think they have a genuine choice. In the USA, I can understand this because it's very, very difficult to be a single mother to young children in this country. (It was difficult, but much more manageable in the UK.)
Do I hate my exes?
It's a good question. There are women who go that route - and hate the partners they've had to leave. I don't. It's not worth the energy, to begin with. It's not good for ME to hate.
I'm not in contact with my first husband at all anymore (thankfully.) The father of my elder daughter (who showed his true colors quite quickly) chose not to be part of our lives (thankfully.) The father of my younger daughter is still my friend - and a true lifeline at times. My second husband... I don't know yet. He sometimes makes it hard for me to be in contact - which we must for the moment to deal with some financial stuff, but whether we're able to remain friends in the future may depend on how he's able to take this breakup (such as not freaking out over my posts here.)
Breaking up sucks - that's for sure. Whatever the reason might be, it's a horrible thing to tear apart what we'd been building together - no matter how toxic it felt at times. Nothing is terrible 100% of the time! Sometimes, the hardest decisions - even right ones - hurt big time, but are still the right ones.
Image source
I found this one on Facebook. I searched on tineye - the picture itself seems to be a stock image, but used in many places. No idea who added the text or where it came from - it speaks to me though - which is why I'm using it this time.
Past issues...
2021
Happy 2021 to Everyone! (New Year's Day)
June 6, 2021 - Fish, Farming and the Future - including feature photo of Paul R Tregurtha
July 25, 2021 - Heartache, Health and Healing
Aug 1, 2021 - Thunder, Traits and Travel
Aug 8, 2021 - Following Freedom and the Flexibility to Change
Aug 15, 2021 - Timing is Key
Aug 25, 2021 - Circles Within Circles
Aug 29, 2021 - Sunset and Changes
Aug 30, 2021 - Last Morning - Wondrous Wyoming
Sept 25, 2021 - Making Lemonade - also featuring Edgar B Speer
2020
Feb 2, 2020 - Flu Sucks!
Feb 9, 2020 - Planning 2020
Feb 16, 2020 - Skating and Eating and Writing, Oh My!
Feb 23, 2020 - Chicken Scratchings and Graphics
Mar 1, 2020 - Inspections R Us
Mar 8, 2020 - New Chicks
Mar 15, 2020 - Pandemic Hits Writing
Apr 5, 2020 - Fools in April?
Jun 14, 2020 - Of Gardens and Vibes
Oct 6, 2020 - Drawing the Line - When it is time to quit (Not Sunday)
Dec 15, 2020 - Winter, Writing and Winging It (Not Sunday)
Lori Svensen
author/designer at A'mara Books
photographer/graphic artist for Viking Visual
(Buy my work at RedBubble, TeePublic, PicFair and DeviantArt.)
verified author on Goodreads
(Buy my books at Books2Read and at LBRY)
find me on Twitter
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