how the hell does a biopsy take a month to do?

{I.ve been bugging everyone I can get aholt 9of for the last 3 weeks for either trhe biopsy reesults, or to just go ahead and cut this damn thing cut out of my neck. which, by the way is cleary obvious to see just by looking at my collar bone - also im hurting tro get into any comfortable position. cant even move my head w/o pain.

i finally got some definite respopnse from the VA patient advocate. the biopsy results are held up ast the hospital that did the biopsy (i was expecting the holdup to be on the va side). on the 20th of this month, they were still "finalizing" the report. wtf does that even mean? i have cancer, or i dont

either way, this thing has to be cleansed with blade and flame. last time i had cancer, i was given a catscan within 2 days, and went ynder the knife within the week. the va wont do it that way

proper attitude

i have this weak-ass idea that im for the Dead Book for sure. i hate weak thinking...weakness must be burned out of the human race. i been running vizualization exercises where I choke the idea out, or run a baynot thru its fucking thrat, or drive a drillbit throuh its eyes, elbows, and kneecaps. friggen idea keeps copming back on me, thp.

on a rational basdis, ive done the basics of "just in case". did the legal shit like will, etc. i hafta decide whether im going to say "good bye, maybe" to a coupla women I know; one is the one i have referred to many times here; its been a while sinced ive talked to thed other

the problem is that if i dont die, im stuck with the consequences of sayingthat. i just dont have time or energy for a real committment now, esp. after losing 2 yearas to this kind of bullshit

anyway

I have decided to change my "funeral song" from "more than thi9s" to the following

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