A good first day
The light peeked into my world today, the sun's rays touched my skin and for the first time in a while I felt that I could truly breathe. Not that all my previous days have been bad, but this was a good day. It started badly, but in the course of the morning and the afternoon it improved, I do not feel that I can touch the sky, but I feel that I can live, and for now that is enough for me.
I think today I can say that antidepressants have started doing something good in my brain. I can not deny that I have been the victim of a couple of side effects, but not only do I not feel bad, but in fact I feel good and I like that. I feel awake, I feel that this is real and I missed that feeling for a while.
Mental illnesses are curious, they have the capacity to make you feel so bad that all you can think about is how much you wish you were dead; but then they can also make you feel invincible and you can eat the world. Feeling so intense and staying in the shadows for a long time, makes a day in which you feel neutrally well, an incredible day.
I do not know how long this feeling of peace and well-being will last me, maybe I'll fall asleep and wake up tomorrow feeling like I'm on the floor, but I'll have enjoyed it and I'll hope to have another day the same or better. Every day has expiration, both good and bad; Maybe on a good day it does not sound like something encouraging, but on a bad day it sounds like something hopeful.
What remains of my day will be dedicated to living the moment without being trapped in it. I will dedicate myself to enjoy my moment, my good day, without asking you how long it will last, when it will end or if later I will feel worse. When I'm sick it's so hard to believe that the good days exist that today I will dedicate myself completely to living their existence.
Today I do not hate myself, today I do not blame myself for what I am and I do not feel useless. Today I feel myself and although I do not know well who I am, I like to feel someone, I like to feel something more than melancholy. Probably this seems more journal entry than blog, but I want to tell the world that today is a good day, that today is a good first day and I feel good.