I'm not a good person...I wish I could be...I try to be, but I'm just not.
Although, there are many that are much worse than I.
My family, my friends, my acquaintances, my co-workers, everyone I know, they don't know the things that I do behind closed doors. They don't know that I'm the villain they see on the news or read about in the newspaper. I was always the nice girl growing up. I went to church and sang in the choir, kept my grades up, and went to the University of Iowa on a full ride.
I guess you could say my life was 'perfect'.
I was a member of many different clubs--all of which were very stereotypical, the sorority, the pre-meds and pre-law. All very boring, until the end of my sophomore year, when I was approached by two different men in the same night.
I don't know who they were, although my suspicions are that it was one of the frat boys. Maybe they were just being friendly; I'm not sure. Since then, I've been propositioned nearly everyday. I've known at least a dozen guys to want to date me. The rejection is always the same, just a generic "no thanks I'm not interested".
It hurts though...I'm hurt. My parents were originally apprehensive about my attending this "nice" college, too, but when I took an early admission, they fell in love with it right away, so now all they can do is worry and complain. My sisters are supportive of me, but any time they try to talk to me about it, or about the guys, I stay quiet, because I don't want to say I'm weak and I don't want to hurt them.
Nope, I'm fine. I'm not going to be alone. I'm only nineteen, I've got a whole life ahead of me. I don't need a guy, I can make it on my own. Sure, but the truth is I want a boyfriend...I want to be loved. I want to be happy. I'm tired of being alone.
Every time I say no, I feel like I've disappointed them. Even if I don't like them, I still feel slightly responsible for their disappointment, so I try to show an interest in the other things that they like to do. The nerds, the jocks, the artists...I try to be interested in everything they like to do. I try to pretend I like baseball, that I enjoy video games, and that I love their crappy music.