Beat Bobby Flay Part One

We focus in on the face of Bobby Flay, celebrity chef, and then pan back out to where two kitchen stations are set up behind him.

Flay: Welcome to Beat Bobby Flay. Where two contestants will compete against one another to create a dish with an ingredient of my devising in order to face me in the final round with their signature dish! They will be judged on their dishes by a pair of my friends who are trying to take me down: Alton Brown and Andrew Zimmern!

The view switches to where Alton Brown and Andrew Zimmern sit behind a table with all smiles as they wave.

Flay: Our contestants tonight are Sebastian Grey, the Chef-Owner of Succulent Feasts, and Tarrasque, a pro wrestler at Ascension Wrestling Federation! I don't know what cooking experience that Tarrasque has, but I’m sure that this will make for an interesting night.

Sebastian Grey waves to the fans and the judges as he stands behind his session. Tarrasque stands behind his station in only wrestling trunks with the biohazard symbol on the butt. He flexes and roars for the fans.

Andrew Zimmern opens his mouth to say something at the sight of Tarrasque as a chef, but shrugs.

Zimmern: I’ve eaten stranger things.

Bobby Flay walks over to the judges with the biggest of grins. He puts both hands on the table in front of Andrew.

Flay: It’s good that you say that because my chosen ingredient of the night is-

Bobby Flay walks over to a covered podium where he pulls off the sheet to reveal the special ingredient that the chefs must use in their round one dish. It is-

Flay: Monkey Brains!

A large serving platter is covered in preharvested monkey brains.

Flay: And time begins...NOW!

Sebastian Grey runs over and grabs up two or three of the monkey brains and rushes them back to his station where he begins putting the monkey brains into a food processor to blend them in with ground beef. Tarrasque runs off stage while mumbling to himself. He comes running back with a rather large (and rather alive) monkey.

Flay: What are you doing with that monkey? We have the ingredients out on the table?

Tarrasque holds the monkey down with one hand and grabs a meat tenderizer with the other.

Tarrasque: Fresh brains make better dish.

Over at the judges table, Alton is looking pale while, but Andrew is nodding to himself.

Zimmern: Well, he’s not wrong…

Tarrasque brings the meat tenderizer down several times to both dispatch the monkey and crack his skull open to be able to get the larger brain out of the cavity. He also uses a spoon to scoop out the eyeballs of the slain monkey before tossing the rest of the corpse to the side. He sets the eyeballs to the side and begins chopping up the brains while heating a wok.

Brown: Wok fried brains?

Zimmern: We might be looking at a fried rice situation.

Brown: That almost sounds good.

Zimmern: It really depends on the kind of seasonings that he uses. I’m not sure how what is essentially a caveman will be able to do up a sophisticated monkey brain fried rice. It’ll be like I was in Africa eating with the different tribes.

Brown: Yeah, you eat all of the exotic stuff.

Sebastian mixes in different seasonings and sauces with eggs to make his meat concoction into hamburger patties. Monkey brain and beef patties that he puts onto a steaming hot grill to begin cooking. He cuts upon brioche buns to toast them upon the grill as well.

Tarrasque begins slinging garlic, onion, red chilis, seasonings, and sauces into a tablespoon or two of hot oil. The chopped up monkey brains go in where he quickly sautées them for a couple of moments before pulling them out to set to the side. He puts in white rice and some more vegetables, wok frying them before he puts back in his fried brains to get them mixed in. He quickly scrambles in a few eggs to add in to the rice dish. At the same time, he smears the eyeballs into a hot pan with a tablespoon of butter and some salt. He heats that concoction up and spreads it on toast points that he serves up on the side of the fried rice dish.

Sebastian puts his burger together with avocado slices, onions, pickles, tomato, and a side of French fries potatoes.

The dishes are put before Alton and Andrew for them to eat and judge who will be facing Bobby Flay. They begin with Sebastian’s dish, taking bites of the burger and eating a few of the fries.

Brown: The texture of the burger is interesting. I don’t get a lot of the monkey brain flavor as the ground beef seems like it takes over. It feels like you were trying to hide the brains in the burger.

Zimmern: I get a little more of the creaminess of the monkey brains in my bites. It might have been the fault of not being processed enough and getting a fine blend of meats. The fries are nice, if a little soggy.

Tarrasque’s dish is served next. Alton Brown looks over to the slaughterhouse looking grounds of Tarrasque’s workstation with a shudder as the dead monkey was left on the floor, blood having spurted everywhere when Tarrasque was murdering the monkey. He picks up an eyeball toast point and breathes in deep.

Brown: Here goes everything.

Alton takes a bite of the toast point, giving it a look of surprised interest. He then takes a bite of the fresh monkey brains fried rice.

Brown: Everything is so fresh. You can taste it.

Andrew wastes no time digging into this dish, chowing down like he were at an eating contest. He stops chewing and swallows his bite when he realizes the camera is on him.

Zimmern: You can’t get much fresher than this. It’s creamy, it’s clean, it’s spicy. I just can’t stop eating it!

Flay: Now for the moment of truth. Who is going to go on to face me with their signature dish?

Andrew and Alton seem to whisper amongst each other for a moment or two before Andrew looks at Bobby with a smile.

Zimmern: We’re going to have to go with Tarrasque for this one. If he can’t outcook you, he can certainly power bomb you.

Sebastian Grey looks shocked. How could a pro wrestler defeat him in a cooking completion? He doesn’t have any experience in the topic. Tarrasque holds out a hand to Sebastian to congratulate him for getting so far. Sebastian sneers at the given hand.

Grey: Fuck off, Tarrasque.

Tarrasque: You want me fuck off? ME AM STRONG!

Tarrasque kicks Sebastian Grey in the gut and power bombs him onto the floor. Alton and Andrew exchange glances.

Brown: And that’s why Tarrasque wins round one.

Zimmern: This is a cooking competition and not a wrestling match, but I get your point.

Bobby Flay looks nervous as he walks over to Tarrasque, who roars over his fallen opponent.

Flay: So, what is the signature dish of Tarrasque?

Tarrasque blinks in sudden confusion.

Tarrasque: Me no write name on dish!

Flay: No, no. The meal that you can prepare the best!

Now Tarrasque grins as if he were just getting what was being said.

Tarrasque: Oh! Then, cereal!

Bobby Flay beams brightly for the camera, but then he realizes what exactly that Tarrasque said.

Flay: Cereal? Are you serious? Is he serious? You can't be serious.

Tarrasque: Yes! Cereal! Me have secret recipe!

Zimmern: Looks like we have battle...cereal...on our hands.

Brown: There is an amazing science in making homemade cereal.

Zimmern: You pour it out of a box and add milk.

Brown: That's store bought cereal.

Bobby Flay and Tarrasque go to their stations and begin grabbing ingredients.

Brown: Tarrasque is grabbing ribeye, beef bones, and corn flakes? What the heck kind of cereal is he making?

Zimmern: Bobby Flay is staring at Tarrasque in shock. He doesn't know what to make of this either. He has oats, honey, granola, and I'm sure he thought he was cunning about this, all of the milk.

Tarrasque starts seasoning up the beef bones and putting olive oil on them before putting them in the oven while Bobby Flay begins toasting the oats in the oven.

Brown: I can kind of see what Bobby is doing, but what on Earth is Tarrasque doing?

Zimmern: I see him pouring beef broth into a pot. I’m guessing here, but I think he’s going to put the marrow and bones into that beef broth after they’ve been roasted to give it an all day cooked flavor.

Brown: But...beef broth isn’t cereal? I tell you what? Why don’t you go down there and find out what’s going on?

Zimmern: Don’t mind if I do!

Andrew Zimmern walks down to the kitchen area where Tarrasque is taking the beef bones out of the oven. He’s scooping the bone marrow out into a bowl where he mixes it up before putting it into the beef stock along with the scraped bones.

Zimmern: So, Tarrasque. How exactly is this cereal? And you know that Bobby has all of the milk, right?

Tarrasque just shrugs and gets out his ribeye. He takes it over to a deli slicer where he starts slicing the ribeye into thin strips that he puts into a large bowl.

Tarrasque: Me like different cereal. Me different like Subject 42 different. We...experiment. Maybe him not failure like me, but me am stronger!

Zimmern: So, you think that you’ll win the match against Subject 42 like you’ll win with...whatever this is?

Tarrasque smashes up the corn flakes, dredges the ribeye in flour, egg wash, and then coats in corn flake crumbs before dropping them in hot oil.

Tarrasque: Me be US champion.

Zimmern: No, you’re trying to beat Bobby Flay.

Tarrasque: No, me trying get shot US champion. Beat Bobby Flay easy.

Bobby Flay takes his toasted oats and makes clusters of toasted nuts, oats, and granola with honey as the binder. He puts the combination back into the oven to dehydrate a little.

Andrew Zimmern looks at Tarrasque like he’s crazy and heads back to the table where Alton Brown is sitting.

Zimmern: What we are looking at is two different dishes. I don’t know what the judges are going to make of this.

Brown: Did we choose the wrong guy for this?

Zimmern: Did you want to tell Tarrasque that he lost? After what he did to Sebastian Grey?

Brown: No. Absolutely not.

Tarrasque is now taking the bones out of the beef broth and putting in a corn starch slurry to thicken it into a gravy.

Brown: Well, since we are biased in that we really want Tarrasque to beat Bobby Flay, we have three special judges brought in to judge the dishes and they have not been watching to see whose dish belongs to whom.

Zimmern: We will get to who those are right after these messages.

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