It has been a little over a week and I apologize for anyone following me. Life gets hectic, especially when running a business.
During the years of my brother and his friends giving me drugs I had a friend named Nate that lived in my culdesac. His father was an old achool hippie that was deep into drug use as medication. After my brother stopped allowing himself and his friends from giving me drugs the perfect storm really ramped up. My friend Nate wanted to be cool too as he was a young child as well. We started breaking into his dads cabinet with every drug you could think of. There was pounds of weed, pounds of mushrooms, bibles of acid and bottles upon bottles of morphine and Percocet (this was years before Oxycontin). Nate and I really only took some marijuana here and there but we did take other drugs. We spent so much of our childhood high out of our minds. From age 9-15, I was high everyday all day on marijuana. The weekends we spent drunk or hallucinating. I loved being the "badboy" in school. Who wouldn't? I had the pick of the girls. I was popular! I was a wrestler during this time and all of the jocks feared me. It was heaven for a boy that age, especially when that boy was raised to believe drug use was everything. My brother even told me "if you get a girl pregnant you can drop out of school". This was because he ended up doing that same thing. When I turned 15 I was sleeping with different girls everyday without protection and I was sniffing cocaine everyday. Even during class at my desk. I ended up getting two girls pregnant before I turned 16 years old. I was a major drug addict and I didnt even know what that meant! I had no idea what I was getting myseld into until my early 20's. It seemed that everything was telling me to keep going on the path. We had a drug dealer that sold us great cocaine for extremely cheap and I never had a problem getting a job or making money. Yes I had two children on the way but at the age of 15 I didn't realize what that meant. My ego was huge and it always told me I couldn't do wrong. Everything I was taught growing up was what I was doing and I was doing it well. Life was one big party and I never thought about my future or the consequences...
Context: I have realized over the last 5 years how bad my metal state was growing up. I never realized at the time because I had no idea what that meant. Hindsight is 20/20 and I was a basket case of a child. I had severe anxiety, I was never given unconditional love and I wasn't taught to take care of myself. The last two years I have come to see just how true that was. I was a scared little boy with extreme self-esteem issues. I used drugs and girls to cover it up. I trampled all over these young womens hearts all for the quick fix of another notch on my belt. I was so afraid to be alone inside of my own head. I respect women above all else in this world. I am an old school chivalrous man. I always thought I was growing up but I just wasn't. Only until my adult age I have been able to fulfill that value inside of myself.
Thank you for reading and following me. I really do love everyone even though it sounds cheesy. I just can't explain it but I do. Until chapter 3...
BR
The picture posted is my at 16 years old with shrooms in my hands and on my ear.
