She was worried that library at school would be shut again and that the teacher would ‘forget’ about her reading test again.
And no matter what advice I gave, she said no that won’t work and refused point blank to listen.
I ended up telling her that it was completely up to her what she worried about, no-one else could help her with that, but if she listened she might find out ways to deal with the worry, that might help.
There was a lot of tears and in end, she went off and came back and told me from tomorrow she was going to try hard not to let things worry her and that she will listen to any advice I can give.
So I thought I’d better get researching some advice, so I can help her see herself as the wonderfully bright and intelligent child she is…
Here are my findings:
Separate Emotion from Words
Instead of concentrating on the words that she is saying, I need to concentrate on the emotions that are felt and separate the two, so they are not related to her feelings of self-worth.
Particularly things like frustration, as she hasn’t ridden on her bike for a while and kept falling off. Now in the garden, we only have a little bit of decking, barely big enough to swing a cat and she came in saying she was going to give up on exercise and going outside forever.
In this case, it was just words and venting, but finding ways of managing emotions is a key factor here.
Negative Self Talk is often Fear Related
Try to think about things that your child might be frightened of when she says things like “I’m stupid”, or “I’m worried about the future” and don’t be afraid to talk openly about these feelings, rather than pushing them to the back of your mind.
Seeing Things from Another Point of View
Trying to come at things from a different perspective, even making it funny - how would a pirate or cowboy or a guinea pig deal with the situation? Role-playing a situation can really help.
Try to Create a Growth Mindset
Your children are not too young to set goals, think about things like riding a bike, reading a book. Help your child be resilient and meet that goal, even with failures along the way, talk about them, celebrate successes and create new goals and help each other reach them.
Tell Them That You Love Them No Matter What
I do okay at this one.
I need to implement some of the above strategies too and be just a little more patient and understanding, as I spent most of my teenage years holed up in my room (but at least I was not out there drinking and whatever other things I could have got up to), thinking nobody understood. I don't want history repeating itself.
