Me (in March): "You know, I wouldn't have this problem if I could get to America for a few weeks."
Me (in April): "You know, I could solve this problem if I could just get to America for a few weeks."
Me (in May): "Man, I'm homesick. I wish I could see America again, just for a few weeks."
Me (in June): "You know, there're a lot of things I could bring back, if I could just get to America for a few weeks."
My Parents (in July): "You know [Patriam], you haven't been home in five years and we're not gonna be around forever: we'd love it if you could come back to America for a few weeks."So on the 1st of August I sits myself down for a think, and it occurs to me... "Hey [Pat], maybe you should take your stupid ass to America for a few weeks."
Anyone who has been following my blog through 2019 knows that I spent most of the first half of this year essentially trapped. Due to a brutal hospital bill, a seedy insurance agent and an even seedier employer, I was about 46,000 RMB in debt, and due to Chinese incompetence and corruption, I did not have access to my U.S. bank account thanks to my employer (illegally) confiscating my US bank card as collateral, where sat the funds to pay this debt. Finally, due to the combination of Chinese arrogance (foreigners are always wrong and we are always right), Chinese corruption (it is a crime to prove your innocence if your accuser is Chinese) and Chinese cowardice (I realize it has been proven the foreigner who works for me is right but I'm not going to stand up to one of my countrymen on his behalf), I was out of work thanks to bullshit allegations.
The result: I was unable to make money in this country, unable to access the money I already had from anywhere in this country, and unable to leave the country until I had done both of the former. This was the situation I found myself in with summer coming on, and no work prospects other than "sure, we'd love for you to start in September..."
...which doesn't help much when you haven't eaten in two days and it's mid-June.
I was getting by (barely) with part-time tutoring gigs for VIP clients, but the reality is that regardless of what the Chinese-owned papers would like to say (Chan) in order to lure foreign educators here with dollar signs in their eyes and delusions that China's population equals a vast and ready market (as they have tricked the West into thinking for centuries (Midler, 151; Chu, 12)), not many parents in China's crumbling economy (frankly, Ludlow was not only right (Sheetz), but he was putting it mildly (Durden; Harris; Van Overtvelt, 153)) can afford to hire a private tutor anymore, at least not at non-insulting rates, and those few who are willing to spend money they no longer have to educate a child they would like to pretend they still care about, are typically not looking for a tutor during summer vacation. I made it through June, and then rode June's income through July by living an extremely Spartan life, but once August rolled around, I had a problem.
My next work would begin in September, and the way China's salary schedules work, that meant my next paycheck was going to be October 15. I had just enough money in my WeChat account to cover my rent, eat for about a week, and then I was sunk. And of course, my employer still had my US bank card, without which I could not access my US savings account. That was when it occurred to me, "I cancelled that bank card to prevent my employer from hacking my account, and had the bank send another to my mother's address in the States (since they can't mail it overseas). This means I don't have my bank card...
...but my mom does!"
This meant that she could activate it, and even though I could not take it to an ATM, I could use the card number and security code to buy a plane ticket online, and go home! The only trick was making sure my employer did not put an exit ban on me (something China's third-world employment laws, which basically classify all foreigners as indentured servants, give them the power to do).
As it turned out, that wasn't difficult. I made sure the ticket I bought was a round-trip ticket, and told the tried-and-true little white lie of "family medical emergency," a lie that the Chinese themselves use so frequently that they all see through it but they also recognize it as code for "none of your damned business," and calmly said "I need to go back for a few weeks and just wanted to make sure there is not an exit ban on my passport." After this, I showed them the itinerary, complete with the scheduled return date, explaining "I scheduled my return flight for a few days before I start work again, so I'll still be back in time even if there's a delay." The agent simply looked at my one suitcase, round-trip ticket and receipt for August's rent, decided if he was going to skip the country he'd pack all his things and not pay the extra for a round trip ticket, to say nothing of his rent for the next month, and gave me a sugary sweet smile and a patronizing "of course I trust you," both of which were roughly as believable as a three-and-a-half dollar bill, and called me a cab to the airport.
I'll confess, I didn't fully believe it was actually happening until the plane lifted off. I kept thinking "that was too easy. Something will go wrong and I'll end up stuck here. It's China. Something will go wrong. Something always goes wrong!" But finally, it didn't.
And so, on August 6, 2019, I put my feet on U.S. soil for the first time (embassy visits notwithstanding) in 5 years.
If you don't know what it is like to feel tears flowing down your face at the sight of a U.S. flag, try living in a hostile, third-world country for five years. I didn't know 2 words from someone with a badge could sound like an invitation through the Pearly Gates until I heard "welcome home" from a Customs and Immigration Officer at LAX Airport. A few hours and one delayed connection later, I was collecting my bag at DFW Airport and shaking hands with my father, who I had not seen since I left the States, and the most amazing part was it didn't even take any long, drawn-out legal battles to do it.
I won't go into how I spent my three absolutely amazing weeks in my homeland other than to say I ate a hell of a lot of steaks, sang a hell of a lot of karaoke (none of this KTV nonsense where you rent a room with a few friends and you all sing to no one but each other, but the kind where you have to have the balls to go in front of the whole bar), spent entirely too much money, and spent a hell of a lot of time driving.
Just, driving.
Enjoying the wide-open space and checkpoint-less freedom of the Interstate Highway system, something you never appreciate until you've been stuck navigating China's stifling surveillance-state transportation system, with checkpoints every 10 km on the roads, and rail lines constantly packed with ignorant peasant pigs.
What I will say is, it was badly needed.
But sooner or later, as my return date got nearer, the questions came up. Am I going to go back? Should I? I could stay here, or go to any other country on Earth, now that I have my US bank card again. Do I really want to go back to that nightmare I just got out of?
Of all the reasons to come back (moral obligations to people with no morals, legal obligations in a country who held no legal jurisdiction beyond their borders, and a host of other emotional arguments my Chinese colleagues would have thrown at me if they knew I was considering staying gone, each of which was easily and laughably dismissed), there were really only two that held any sway.
The first was my books.
I've spent my time in China accumulating quite a collection of volumes on Chinese politics and culture, many of which are hard to find outside of China. Replacing them would be costly and time-consuming, and replacing my research notes (the fruit of which has frequently been this very blog), written into the margins of these volumes and often almost as lengthy as the books themselves, would be impossible. I'm sure it doesn't sound like such a big deal, but for a researcher (even an amateur one), that prospect hurt like Hell. If I go to jail in China, or die here, my time here hasn't been a waste. If I lose my research, it has. Cold, but true.
The other is not so easy to put into words. Simply put, as miserable as I have been during my five years in this God-forsaken backwater pit that laughably styles itself "Central Nation," there is an unmistakable sense that I'm not done here yet. For an analogy, I highly doubt any soldier ever sent home on R & R from a combat zone has ever wanted to go back to the front lines, but they all know they should; that they must. And as the day to return to China drew near, I had that same feeling: that I was going back to the front lines of a war. I wasn't exactly happy about that, but after taking some time to reconnect with my bruised and battered American Nationalist identity (and some time to pick up my old Texas accent again, along with the boots and hat to go with it), I felt like I was ready for it.
Because that's exactly what I'm doing: it is no hyperbole to say there is a war on, a war of information, for the soul of the world. The combatants are China and civilization, and the weapons are lies and truth, respectively. And someone has got to fight that war from the one place where truth can do the most damage: right under Xi's nose.
As I said in my "Introduce Yourself" entry here on Steemit, "I am a dragonslayer, living in the dragon's den. This blog is my story, and my sword."
Let it be known, I'm back in the fight. It's still "me vs. the country I live in" every day of my life...
...but I'm no longer losing.
Works Cited
Chan, Elaine. "China’s Private Tutoring Industry is Booming Despite Economic Slowdown." South China Morning Post. 25 Mar, 2019. Web, 5 Nov, 2019. https://www.scmp.com/economy/china-economy/article/3003163/education-education-education-chinas-private-tutoring
Chu, Ben. Chinese Whispers. London, 2013. Weidenfeld & Nicolson
ISBN 978-1-7802-2474-9
Durden, Tyler. "Chinese Professor Censored After Admitting Real GDP Growth Is Below 2%." Zero Hedge. 5 Jan, 2019. Web, 5 Nov, 2019. https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2019-01-05/china-censors-economics-professor-who-claims-real-gdp-growth-below-2
Harris, Richard. "How Badly is China’s Economy Doing? Look Behind the Official GDP Figures." South China Morning Post. 3 Jan, 2019. Web, 5 Nov, 2019. https://www.scmp.com/comment/insight-opinion/united-states/article/2180471/how-badly-chinas-economy-doing-look-behind
Midler, Paul, What's Wrong With China?. Hoboken, 2018. Wiley & Sons
ISBN 978-1-119-21371-0
Sheetz, Michael. "Trump Economic Advisor Larry Kudlow Says China’s Economy ‘is Crumbling’." CNBC. 6 Aug, 2019. Web, 5 Nov, 2019. https://www.cnbc.com/2019/08/06/trump-economic-advisor-larry-kudlow-says-chinas-economy-is-crumbling.html
Van Overtveldt, Johan. A Giant Reborn: Why America Will Dominate the 21st Century. Chicago, 2015. B2 Books.
ISBN 978-1-932841-81-7