What I Am Really Afraid Of

Hello Hiveians!

Who would have thought I'll reach this far? This is my 5th day of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge by @tegoshei. I really thought I wouldn't last until 3rd day or I'll skip the 4th day, but here I am, trying to think hard about my deep and darkest fears. I would say this is much difficult than the topic yesterday because I have countless of fears. I haven't confronted much of them yet, but some I have conquered completely.

First and foremost, story time.

If you know about the horror-thriller movie The Descent, you know Juno. Juno is one of the characters in the movie who has been a fighter. She adapted in the dark so quickly that the hunter became the hunted because of her fierce attitude. She's a warrior. My friends often likened me to Juno, not because I'm a warrior, but because if there's a similar scenario, I would be the first to die. They said that because of my curiosity, instead of leaving and calling for help, I'll check the scene first and we all know what happened to those curious cats in any movie.

I don't know why, but in fight or flight scenario, I will always subconsciously choose fight to satisfy my curiosity. When my friend died and we were at his wake, for an unknown reason, the lights went out in the whole house but not in the neighborhood, everyone jumped out of their seats and run away. I was left staring at the casket with only two candles illuminating the whole room. I was not thinking about horror stuff, I was just wondering why the lights went out. If it were a horror movie, I would be dead.

When we were in a mountain barangay for an outreach program, I was always checking every nook and cranny to see if there's someone or something hiding there. I will not be afraid when I'm in the scene, but when it's over, I would not be able to sleep thinking of the possible scenarios that might have happened.

I already told you that I drowned three times before I learned how to swim. Instead of fearing the water after the first time I drowned, I thought that it would be pointless if I wouldn't learn how to swim. I had fear of heights before, but I conquered them by climbing mountains and staring down at deep ravines. I'm always drawn to the things I fear. I hate claustrophobic spaces, I have fears of what's lying beneath the ocean floor, snakes would bring tingling sensations in my spine, but I know I can conquer them.

They say that 90% of your fears are just manufactured in your mind and only 10% of that has a real threat to you. Fear is a survival instinct as it would illicit a response, fight or flight response. I would say that flight is the easiest and the logical choice, but the more you flee away from your fears, the more you become afraid of those fears. No matter how hard, you must fight your fears and it all takes is one step. Baby steps until you can manage it.

So I was thinking, what I am really afraid of?

How about the fear of being forgotten?

If you think about it, we only live less than 100 years. Our families, our children, our grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren would also live less than 100 years. That's 500 years tops for five generations and would they still remember us after we're dead? They say that real death happens when no one remembers us. That's why men became story tellers and legacy makers. We tell stories to be passed on to the next generation and leave behind a legacy with the hope making them remember us.

What if you wake up one day and no one remembers you exist. You're not only invisible, you were erased from their lives, but you were there. You can shout or do whatever you want, but no one will see or feel you. How would that feel? The thought of it creeps me out. It feels like you are shouting into this deep void where it absorbs everything you throw into it and nothing will be returned. What will you do then?

I would say that everything you do up to that point would be meaningless because you won't get a response. I don't want to think about it because I really don't know what I would do.

I would say that whatever your fears are, they're valid no matter how illogical and nonsensical they are. But they should be managed because if not, they're like a deep flesh wound. They will fester and eat you up from the inside. You are given a choice: to fight it or to flee away from it.

Kim Ybañez

_{Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession, but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits secluded destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines) and the rest of the world even if he's still a poor corporate slave with tons of bills to pay and two siblings to support in college.}

_{If you like his content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. You can also reblog if you want to. Also, don't forget to follow him to be updated with his latest posts.}