Good evening my Steemian family, it is finally Thursday evening meaning that my mini-vacation has officially started. 🎉
Life Update
Tomorrow morning, my girlfriend and I will head to Amsterdam where we will attend a rave festival on Saturday. This while enjoying two full days in the city, exploring and enjoying a few work-free days.
Don't worry fam, I will cover our journey here on Steemit and bring you guys along.
Life hasn't been very eventful the last couple of days. They have mostly consisted of work and studies from early morning til late evening - getting as much hustle done as possible - to be able to relax a little bit extra on our trip. 🤟🏼
I still have a bag to pack and some sleep to catch before we'll leave with our cab at 6.0 A.M. Thus, I will aim to keep today's post fairly short.
Going Back to the Classics
During this week at the gym I've been listening to the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence People, authored by Dale Carnegie 1936. An old-time classic to say the least. 🙏🏼
Funny enough this was one of the first books I ever read voluntarily outside school when I was like 15. I remember how my older brother gave it to me and told me it was the most influential book he had ever read.
To be honest I don't remember a single lesson from the book. I don't even know if I finished the book when I think about it. 😂
For some reason I just haven't picked it up since and haven't actually re-read the book until now. And yes, it is archaic and quite obsolete at times, but I can't argue with the fact that Carnegie had some time-less wisdom spelled in those pages of literature.
I truly understand why it's consider one of the best books ever written in terms of human relations.
And as usual, here are my top key takeaways, taken from the first part of the book.
How to Deal with People and Increase Your Social Intelligence
Principle #1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
I definitely agree with Carnegie on the fact that criticizing other people is a recipe for failure as a general rule.
On the other hand, I think it is incredibly important to both give and being able to receive constructive criticism from your close peers and eventual partner.
Hence, I would argue that there is a major distinction between your inner circle that you're trying to achieve greatness with, and with people outside of that circle.
Although one thing to keep in mind regardless of the case, and that is if you want to change someone's behaviour; the typical demeaning criticizm just won't do it. This is because humans are much more likely to change their behaviour if they are rewarded rather than punished or threatened. Encourage good behaviour rather than criticizing bad behaviour.
As a rule of thumb however; don't critizice, don't condemn and don't complain.
Principle #2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation
If you can deliver a sense of importance to your fellow man, you will have found the key to dealing with people.
Charles Schwab said, “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among the men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.”
This is a big one. Especially here on Steemit where people seem to have misunderstood the whole thing.
One of the first things that strikes you on this platform is the comment-spamming and the insincere flattery. To be honest I have a hard time understanding how people think this will help them achieve their goals. Because let me tell you:
There is a major difference between appreciation and flattery.
This shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody. But our natural response is to criticize what we don’t like, and remain silent about what we do like.
So the next time you come across a Steemit post you like, make sure to leave a thoughtful comment and let the author know that you appreciate his or her work and why.
It doesn't necessarily have to be an essay long comment, but the long-term return of such an action can be unimaginable.
Principle #3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want
When you go fishing, you don’t bait the hook with the strawberries you’d like to snack on; you use what the fish prefer, worms. Yet in our interactions with people, we always barge in talking about what we want, which is a complete waste of time and effort. Instead, we should always be asking ourselves what the other person wants, and present our reasoning from their perspective. Tell them how it will get them what they want.
Henry Ford said, “If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”
To get what you want, don't focus on yourself. Instead learn to understand the other person's point of view, and arouse an eager need in that person. Create a win-win situation.
While it might sound obvious, people nevertheless persist in every interaction to explain their own needs and desires, ignoring the other person.
Carnegie nailed when he wrote the sentence, “The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.”
Magic Bullet of the Day
I'll round this post of with another great quote from the book that just resonated so well with me.
Hope you enjoyed today's post, now I'm off to pack my bags! ✈️
Previous 'Better You' articles
Better You #6 : How to Deal with Failure
Better You #5 : How to Become a Professional and Conquer Resistance
Better You #4 : The Difficult Art of Relaxation & The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
Better You #3 : Investing $1000 in Steem. Inside suffering is the seed of change.
Better You #2 : Hacks to improve your sleep and practical tips & thoughts to enhance your life
Better You #1 : A new Steemit project to help us all become the best version of ourselves
