It emerged unexpectedly; the feeling.
Under the fluorescent light of a city on the brink of catastrophe, it wasn't a grand set of realisation. Loneliness is a part of humanity, born along with the creation of the first human, existing up until now, when civilisations flourished, and the population grew by millions. We have all felt it in our hearts, in our minds, when the noise became too loud to bear, or the quiet became a curse; it has been with us all along, waiting like a silent friend.
Even then, the feeling left a hole inside, growing with every step.
It was the sense of utter helplessness that had rendered me unbalanced. It's a feeling I kept well hidden and away from my consciousness. But somehow, the veil lifted tonight, and out came the demon.
Maybe it was the rain that had done it. The gloomy sky and the soft drizzle it left on the concrete. Perhaps it came out because the streets in front of me suddenly became barren, with no car in sight. The force of it made me stop in the middle of the road. With a start, I found myself looking up to the sky, in hopes of seeing two moons instead of one, ensuring me that this was not real. I was not a helpless girl, standing alone on an empty street, with not a care that she might get hit by a passing car at any moment, searching for two moons so she could deny her reality.
But the second moon never showed, nor did the first and only one. The sky was still crying, so I had no choice but to move.
It's not a bad reality, per se. It has its charms which hide behind dimpled smiles and honey-glazed eyes. On the palm of rough hands and rushing winds, there are fleeting moments that make it worthwhile, makes it beautiful. Life flourishes at times when he is there, laughing with my dear ones, but then it's left barren again when he leaves.
It's maddening, how a person could fill up an emptiness that I felt like I was born with it. But he does it every day with his presence. So this sudden absence of him, that came out of the blue, felt so foreign and unknown.
It made the world look bleak.
Made cities look destroyed, and life looks ashen.
Made skies less bright and rain more dreary.
It made me want to look for two moons, where reality was never this unbearable.