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I got a wake up call… I’m not supposed to do this

Life is very funny sometimes! When you try to do something good, something bad always happens. At least it’s like that for me and has been for the last 3 years. I’ve been sick 2 times during the last 3 years and both of the times it was right at the time when I tried to get my steemit blog up to speed. Both times I wanted to make a challenge and make drawings every day for at least a month. Both times I got so sick I couldn’t even get out of bed.

I’ve been laying with high fever for 2 days now and that is the reason why my challenge just stopped. But during these times of sickness I started thinking. Maybe it’s the universe telling me that this isn’t what I’m supposed to do. And I think I really need to give up my dream for good!

But that is not the only thing that has failed. During these 3 years I have been trying to find something that gives me fulfillment and satisfaction in life. Something that I can do every day without getting bored. I’ve tried everything from finding a normal job that I like to creating my own work. But nothing gives me happiness and it always ends up with chasing money to survive.

All this started when I got depressed because I was waking up to all the lies in this world. All the evil people who control us and keep us in our invisible chains of slavery. Yes all of us are slaves whether you like it or not. We are slaves to the structure of society and this has been bothering me for a long time. The problem is that it’s so hard do get out, especially when you don’t have money.

So what am I going to do now?

First of all, I’m not going to do any more drawings. Maybe I’ll post one every once in a while but only when I really feel like it. Drawing has been a big passion in my life but it has all faded away. It’s not fun anymore and I feel like I’m only doing it because I know I’m good at it. But it doesn’t give me any satisfaction, it’s just another drawing that I’ve done a thousand times before.
Most likely I have to go back to the corporate world serving a stupid boss doing things I don’t want to do and feel miserable every day just to have food on the table. This isn’t a happy life so It’s my absolute last option. Another option is to move out to a deserted island somewhere growing my own food and filter my own water, just living by myself. At least I wont have to hear all the stupid people in this world talking about how drunk they were last weekend or what TV series they are following.

Every day for the last 3 years I’ve been thinking about what I want to do but haven’t figured it out yet. Only thing I know is that if my next 30 years of life is going to be about working, paying my bills and die. Then I don’t want to live at all!

Maybe you hear from me, maybe you don’t. Either way I wish you all good luck

Peace