Today, I would like to talk about a subject rarely addressed in discussions regarding dealing with aging parents. Both I and my husband have families dealing with aging parents simultaneously. I can point out exactly why his family of 8 siblings have navigated the changes without animosity, while my family of only 2 siblings have had distress.
Here is the nugget I bring: Never, ever allow the spouses of siblings to do any communicating for the sibling. This is an issue that belongs to the family of origin. Keep the in laws out of the important discussions. Inform them after the fact.
This is no time to try to understand an in-law's communication. You know your sibling and what they mean when they say something. Not so with the person who married your sibling....