Vin Diesel and I, a dynamic duo full of adventures. Today was one. We were supposed to have an epic drive for several hours in the middle of Portugal. I didn't get any further than a dirt road and got stuck. Not only stuck in mud, but also stuck in the system of roadside assistance and all-risk campervan insurance. Roadtripping off-road with a camper van during heavy rainfall, great idea :)
I've been traveling around in Vin Diesel (my van) for quite some time now. Around 40.000km so far I guess. Today I was suppose to help some friends and do a proper roadtrip with them through the middle of Portugal. They don't have a car at the moment and they got stuck on their land. The last few week it has been raining a lot here and their property is only accessible by an old public road. That road is a dirt road. There is more heavy rainfall expected, showers of 50mm. Last night in the mountains driving my van was already a challenge with big rocks falling on the road and some little land slides. In the morning I decided to pick them up and don't let them walk through the rain... So far, so good. Until I decided to make a turn on the wrong spot.
Vin Diesel was done with this muddy and wet ride. I can imagine. He got stuck in the mud and didn't want to get out of it anymore. My green buddy weighs around 3t and has only rear wheel drive. Although most people think I drive a 4X4, because of the huge ALL TERRAIN tires. I am not so sure if I agree with that print on the tires. Next time, when I pimp them with a white marker, I might change the name in PICKY. No complaints though, it's all my own fault. I should know that driving this heavy beast backward and uphill in muddy trails, is not the best idea. Together with my friends we tried a lot to get out of here. We all got wet and dirty, although I prefer wet and dirty in different circumstances...
Because we were a bit remote, it is not easy to stop or even find people. My friends lost their car earlier this year. There were no farmers or tractors around, no bulldozers. Only a wheelbarrow with an empty battery. And a tiny wet dog....he didn't had the balls yet to challenge Vin Diesel. I am always prepared and kind of organized, so I called my Dutch roadside assistance (ANWB). I have the most complete European package, including camper van emergency service. Besides that, I have an all-risk camper van insurance with the same company (ANWB). Let's call these nice helpful folks right?
Ring ring ring... and an endless menu of choices...
It's a bit busy today, please hold the line
Tune playing: Sniff 'n' The Tears - "Driver's Seat"
I am using my smooth morning voice to have a calm conversation with the other person on the line. Almost immediately I realized that this person had just one mission... NO SERVICE
Sorry you dumb fuck, you really think we are here to help? Fuck off, we just take your money and let you sink further down in the mud. Our company just likes to fool you and do it over and over again!
Of course, they used slightly different words. The first question;
Sir, are you on a paved road?
No
Sorry, then we can't help you. Anything else?
Uhm what? I am paying for the most complete roadside assistance package in Europe and you don't even assist when a camper van that is stuck on an unpaved public road?? Half of the Portuguese roads are unpaved.
No, these are our term an agreements. You need to search for a local towing service, and we are also not going to help with that.
Incredible right? No actually not. I had quite some issues with them earlier this year and they didn't want to help as well. After half a year and many talks with the ANWB they admit on the phone that they should have helped me in that particular case.
My friends tried several options in the area. Calling other friends, the local barman, the contributor and even the major. All of them had no time, no 4X4 or no reception during the bad weather today.
I didn't let it go yet, so another attempt by calling the ANWB. This time the menu was even longer. And after 20 minutes of this annoying Driver's Seat-song turned me in a slightly different mood. Different service desk employee this time, let's stay positive. I did my research before this call and read all 44 pages in the PDF-file of the terms & conditions. There was nothing mentioned about no service if you are on an unpaved road or something that came even close.
Sorry sir, we can't help. It's ion our conditions.
Well, explain me why then, because I read all pages of the conditions. Which article do you refer to?
Sorry, I don't know the conditions by heart. You should talk to your insurance company. Or call a towing service in Spain.
Uhm what? I just read all the terms & conditions and there is nothing in it and you tell me you don't know in which article it is?? And why a towing service in Spain? I already told several times I am in Portugal! I also told several times my insurance is from the same company, the one that I am talking to.
Sir, roadside assistance is not possible when your car is in contact with mud or snow. In our policy this is a car accident and in that case we don't help. I will put you through to an insurance assistant, please hold.
She put my through to a BOT, that was too confused to understand my official registration address. I finally got connected to a real person...I think...
Sorry sir, we are unable to help and I just spoke to my manager about this. Good luck with your camper van, have a nice day.
Seriously?! My camper van slide of a public road and is sliding even more the longer it takes. Heading to some big rocks. The longer we wait, the bigger the risk of damage. There is no one around here in this area and there are heavy showers all day. I am talking to my all-risk campervan insurance right?
Good luck sir, have a nice day.
This all sounds pretty weird right? Well, this is how it works and we are too naive to pay for this shit. Car insurance is mandatory. But All-Risk isn't. My camper van is worth quite some money, but after another experience with this insurance without any help I am done.
I walked around with my friends here on dirt roads that have turned into little rivers. The amount of water today is insane. The river is flooding and also the dike they have built earlier is having a hard time.
After a call from a WhatsApp group from van lifers here, I joined a Portuguese Facebook group called "I am stuck, Help!". I posted a message with pictures and coordinates. Although there were 26 thousand people in this group, there was no help coming this way.
Luckily the local bartender managed to get a farmer with a tractor here. In the dark we enjoyed the autumn showers and the local guy pulled me out. Actually it was such a nice and helpful farmer, that tried to communicate in English. I gave this guy a little tip. We should love and respect our farmers, not only for providing food.
We shouldn't be so naive with all this stupid promises from insurance companies, we are taking ALL RISK. If you need help, there are always other ways to fix it. We are spending way too much money on expectations. Don't expect service from a Helpdesk nowadays, you will be disappointed (my personal experience).
Today didn't feel like roadtripping in so called paradise. Many things can be frustrating here in Portugal. But with the right amount of patience, connections and sharing, life on a dark day like this can actually end pretty good. My camper van is on a flat hard spot now. The public road is unaccessible with this vehicle now. I have to wait until the storm calms down and wait for the water to be gone from the muddy roads.
