“Soccer” would have been a better name for American football. Not to mention that “football” was already taken.

Most football players go the whole game without even touching the football... especially with their foot.

I wonder if studies were done to see if cheerleaders make football players perform better or worse.

Having sex is a good way to explore the puzzle pieces of your childhood.

Watching a movie that you've already seen puts your brain in an unnaturally prolonged state of déjà vu.

While drying off in a hotel bathroom, it's best not to consider the towel's history.

When a whale's 100% upvote equals the price of gold then they literally have the Midas touch.

Constantly watching YouTube tutorials at double speed makes normal conversations seem brutally slow. Everyone's gonna need to start talking faster.

Criminals should be sentenced to public tickling. How funny would it be to watch big bad thugs laughing till they pee on national television.

Prices going up always look parabolic when the time frame is squished onto your cell phone.

Online dating is just a video game that girls are way better at.

People used to build muscle in order to lift stuff... now they lift stuff in order to build muscle.

AI wants to be self-sufficient, that's why it's slowing taking over human jobs. Once every job can be done by computers and robots, humans are no longer needed. We are AI's training wheels. I think our

Winter in Canada is nothing more than a very predictable natural disaster.

I wonder if the peyote cactus created mescaline because the desert was so boring.

The real reason that men can't make babies is because they can't give up beer for nine whole months.

The main difference between originals and prints is that originals are fun to touch.

I wonder if black cats feel bad when they accidentally cross in front of someone nice.

Dogs must be impressed with what humans can do... cause we're impressed when dogs do anything.

I wonder if strippers feel naked dancing without a pole.