I hate being wrong. I mean--I reeeeaaally hate being wrong. I hate doing things wrong, in public especially. I hate being embarrassed. I hate the thought that I might be embarrassed if I do something wrong. Seriously. Don't look at me. Just turn away.
I SAID TURN AWAY!!
I don't know if you know this about me, but just in case it isn't clear...I hate being wrong.
You can imagine what a joy this makes me in a relationship when that special "wrong" button gets pushed.
FLASHBACK...
A couple of years ago at a workshop in Boulder, CO I was exploring this particular challenge of needing to be right when Brooks and Casey dropped this glorious golden nugget of truth on me:
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the
world is too full to talk about.” — Rumi
Every time I insist on being right I necessarily make the other person wrong. That's not conflict resolution, that's just emotionally beating up on someone. Today I'd much rather move beyond right and wrong to discover what needs are not being met that led us to a disagreement in the first place.
Conflict resolution is a bit beyond what I had intended on writing about in this post, mostly because I suck at it so I'd be talking out of my arse, but there is one step that I think could help turn things around...
TAKE A STAND
This was taught to me by my friend Nick. In the heat of the battle, when this will certainly be hardest to remember, stop and check in with your partner and affirm that you are, in fact, on the same team. Don't fight against each other. Fight with each other for the relationship. I think it's crucial to get out of the adversarial mindset and reaffirm to each other that you are on the same side.
To be sure, I suck at this. I wrote this to remind myself as much as to discuss the concepts with anyone else.
Good luck to us all. Let me know if you have any success with this.
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