Enough With Your Tall Fence and Bushy Walls
Dear Mavis,
I have always felt ecstatic living near to you. You are the most stripy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your barking dog.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your fence is too tall and your walls way too bushy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a ladder
I have to insist that you take action to stop your barking dog from upsetting me. I demand that you give up drum playing then cut down the hedge.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your untidy hedge increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a pleasant neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the neighbourhood watch and post photos of your barking dog on Pinterest.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
schnotty