Enough With Your Tall Dog and Untidy Dog
Dear Mr Simpson,
I have always felt annoyed living near to you. You are the most smelly neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud music.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too tall and your dog way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a hammer
I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud music from upsetting me. I demand that you rehome to dog then paint the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your loud music on Goodreads.
Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
schnotty