Change can be for the best or worst... You decide!`
Most men and women wish to be a part of something greater than themselves. We want to be part of something important, something that gives us purpose and direction. Something books and movies are made of...Not everyone attains that in life which is a shame. I fortunately was able to to push myself to a level many only dream of. From speaking to diplomats and foreign leaders to training allies abroad. The amount of training that goes into being in the military especially when you're in any combat arms or special operations unit is intense to say the least. It prepares you for combat and makes you mentally and physically rough enough to endure the harsh realities of war fighting. Sadly though there is no blanket training across the armed forces or in the individual branches to help soldiers retrograde to being and thinking like a normal citizen of these United States. Most men I know from where i came from would consider this a pussification or degradation of their "manhood". This simply isn't the case.
The war fighter and patriot will never die in any of us and we will always choose to fight all enemies of the United States of America (foreign and domestic...) in order to protect our friends, family and way of life. The problem is when something is created or opened within us that starts to enjoy war a little too much. That likes fighting and winning a little too much. That is constantly seeking the next battle. Some men and women find a way to successfully divert these emotions into a similar or completely different line of work that allows them the same rush or feel of belonging and pride.... but unless you're in the military you'll never have exactly that again. Albeit aside from becoming a mercenary or a criminal. To clarify mercenary I mean a paid killer that uses their skills illegally in foreign countries, not paid military contractors that have mission sets approved and directed by the Department of Justice or other government agencies.
So what happens to those of us that don't find a proper out or transition? What happens to the war fighter... without a war to fight? Anxiety, depression and a loss of self-worth are usually the outcome. Couple that with drugs and alcohol and you have a man that's fearless but fighting the wrong enemy. usually the enemy inside of him that can't let go. its hard sometimes go of the man you once were when there is no place for that any longer. You cannot hold the same level of aggression, the same level violent action when shopping at the local supermarket or driving down the road. The mind must lay dormant the lion inside and practice only being the sheepdog or the Shepard. Wolves however do still roam among us everyday. There is a time and a place to release the soldier, the titan, the savior and protector inside each and every one of us but it should not be an everyday occurrence.
After I left the Army I stayed in the beautiful state of Tennessee. Looking for quick work and living so close to Nashville I decided to get into a job that provided me an out for my aggression without much consequence. The one thing downtown Nashville has a lot of is bars, and what do bars need when the shit hits the fan? Bouncers! It seemed like it would be fun while looking for other work. I would say some of the things I've done or seen range from the hilarious to the downright frightening. From literally getting puked on on my face by a drunk birthday girl to smashing a persons face into the cement and putting him in the hospital. To what end though? A man and a woman whom had they not had excessive amounts of alcohol in there system would have simply been asked to leave or would have been able to continue their night, vomit free and and hospital free. So when working downtown and working later and later hours with more and more dumb shit happening around me I began to not want to be just the caretaker any more. I wanted to have my own off time and enjoy my own drinks and have my own fun too.
This is when the true nature of the devil inside began to emerge. What do you think happens when a man that believes himself invincible and righteous in his sober actions now couples that mentality with booze and a lose of inhibition? Top that off with depression and an urge to fight and you leave yourself with a ticking time bomb. Fighting, alcoholism, risky behavior and an excess of meaningless women is not a life worth living. There is no meaning to it, no depth and no purpose regardless of how fun it may seem at the time. This instead further degrades a good man into a dark hole that everyday becomes harder and harder to pull himself out of. When you continue to spiral down a path of destruction that goes unnoticed by you but noticed by others what should happen next? An intervention of sorts one would assume. The old saying "you are the company that you keep" is cryptically true.. When the men and women you associate yourself mostly on a daily basis are slipping into the same hole as you where do you turn to, who do you turn? Will they notice... Will you?
When you try and pull yourself out of the mix and associate yourself with different people you start to notice things. Things about yourself, and you start to realize that you've been lost all along but didn't know it. You couldn't see it. This in itself can be a shock and many their first time out will be too overwhelmed to make the proper changes to their life or lifestyle because what they've known for so long seems easier. less difficult to bare. This is a lie you tell yourself because you're afraid! You're afraid of change, you're afraid of realizing what you've done to yourself, you're afraid of the reality you've been foolishly trying to avoid all along. However, only when you finally come to grips with where you are in life and realize what needs to be done to fix it will you every truly set yourself free of your chains. The bondage created by you and your actions. Change in life as is as simple as changing the way you think. Change your thoughts and change your life... For better or worse...
Jason Nieves, De Oppresso Liber
