I quit driving drunk about 15 years ago, I quit drinking period about 5 years ago, (some problems with my liver, what a surprise). But before that, I must have driven drunk at least 3,000 times,(a conservative estimate) I'm so lucky I never hurt anyone in an accident. actually, this was the only accident I've ever been in when I was drunk, like I said, I've been very lucky.
This first DUI happened on St. Patrick's Day, somewhere around 1980. I was a fireman in Forest Park then, a suburb of Chicago, I was a big drinker back then and could hold my own drinking with just about anyone. There was this other heavy drinking fireman I worked with, he was a big guy, about 6'4" and maybe 250lbs, we all called him "Big Boy, Whooo!" So we met up at a bar in downtown Chicago and decided to have a drinking contest, we each drank 13 shots of Jamison's Irish Whiskey and chased them with 5 Miller Lites each.
At one point, I looked down at my watch to discover is was 7:30, I had to pick up my girlfriend Dawn at 8:00 or I was in trouble, she was a stickler for punctuality! I found an old picture of us here, we must have just finished a doobie.
We called the drinking contest a draw and I bolted out the door. Now it gets nasty in Chicago in March sometimes and this was one of those times, it was about 25 degrees Fahrenheit and a fucking blizzard, I was so cold walking to my car that I had to stop at a Liquor Store by my car and buy a fifth of peppermint schnapps for the ride to Dawn's.
Now I'm not a good driver when I'm sober, and I'm worse when I'm drunk, but I REALLY drive bad when I'm asleep. I fell asleep at a red light, let my foot off the brake and (as luck would have it) rear-ended a Chicago Police car. I woke up when this big cop was tapping on my window, his name was Booker Gator, for some reason I never forgot that name.I rolled down my window.
"Been drinking son?" Booker asked me.
"Oh no sir!" I slurred.
"What's that empty bottle of Schnapps doing next to you?" he inquired calmly.
"Oh, I spilled most of that sir." I explained.
"Get out of the car, son." I got out. "I want you to walk straight on this white line in the road." he told me.
"Not unless you put a net under it sir!" I demanded.
"I'm afraid you're going to jail now son."
"Yes sir, I figured." Well, I spent the night in jail, my girlfriend Dawn called me the next day, she was furious.
"You stood me up on St. Patrick's Day, you asshole, so I let a man make love to me!"
"That's okay," I replied. "I spent the night in jail, I let 6 men make love to me."
