My therapist told me journaling will help me work through all this fear and anger. It feels like it all is sitting on my chest. It is hard to eat around it. Being able to release it with writing sounds great even if I am terrible at keeping journals. Also, journals feel like I am talking to myself. I do not want to do that any more than I already do. Ha!
I am making a commitment. I am coming here every day to share something good. It counts as journaling, right? :) I hope so. Today I want to share a moment from my weekend. Here goes.
I was washing the dishes. I prefer to do it by hand. There is a window above my sink. Through it, I can the branches of a tree and a bird nest from Spring. The birds are gone from it. It was empty, so for a second I felt sadness sweeping through me. I was thinking about how everyone leaves and everything ends. All that was left was dirt and sticks.
I almost started crying. I have done that enough lately there are permanent salt trails down my face. I almost cried, but for whatever reason I decided to go outside and collect the nest. The tree was not too tall. I live on a first floor.
Even though the nest was battered by the weather after being emptied, I saw that it remained intact. And it was not just dead remains inside it. The dirt and sticks had little green sprouts growing inside them!
That nest was my heart.
All this time I believed my heart was broken. While this nest will never host a bird family again, like my heart, it will host love. It is by my front door now. I am planning to bring it inside once I create a space for it. Maybe in a terrarium? Then I will surround it with items that reflect the joy I am finding in life again.
Thank you for hearing me.
xoxo,