Hello, Steemit friends. Thank you for all your support.
I have been silent for longer than usual, and I'm afraid I am going to have to stay that way, probably permanently.
The situation is that I know my recent ex, who I have slowly come to realize is a textbook psychopath, may read this. I can't write here, knowing that. The abuse I have experienced over the past year would chill you; a friend of mine who is accustomed to such things in his work still said some of the instances "shock the conscience." But I won't go into them.
I will, however, ask you to please read this extremely accurate article on psychopathic relationships. It aligns so flawlessly with what I have undergone that I could have written it myself, leaving nothing out but the quotations and psychological terms. (But if I had thought of it, I sure as hell would have also used their term "emotional rape.")
And I did not know enough about this behavior in advance to spot it. So this is a sort of public service announcement as well as a farewell: even if you never get involved with such a person, it's good to be able to spot an abusive psychopath/sociopath/narcissist for the sake of your friends. These monsters exist and you will likely know one at some point.
There is a cheesy but highly useful model invented by John Van Epp, Ph. D., for avoiding getting into an abusive relationship. It's called RAM.
The idea behind RAM is that you should deal with a potential partner, no matter how much you like them, by only entering into the stages to the right after confirming the stage to the left. The reason for this is that all of these elements enhance intimacy and bonding, so if for example you get sexually involved with someone or dependent on them before you even really know them, much less trust them, your heart can run away with you and blind you to abuse. Abusers know this and purposefully accelerate relationships with sex, bonding experiences, and grandiose expressions of admiration and adoration. Epp suggests that you pace relationships purposefully to maintain your head.
Please be careful out there and don't let predators blur your judgment by using human emotions as their weapons. If you meet someone who almost instantly is the most wonderful, amazing person ever, calm down as much as you can and apply pace. Any decent person will not pressure you. Any decent person will respect your boundaries instead of trying to tear them down.
Thanks.
