Enough With Your Tall Dog and Tall Hedge
Dear Mrs Davis,
I have always felt ecstatic living near to you. You are the most naughty neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your untidy hedge.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too tall and your hedge way too tall. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a paint brush
I have to insist that you take action to stop your untidy hedge from upsetting me. I demand that you train the dog then varnish the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your drum playing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your untidy hedge on Tumblr.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
memeon