Enough With Your Rotten Gerbils and Untidy Gerbils
Dear Peter,
I have always felt happy living near to you. You are the most sharp neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud music.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your gerbils is too rotten and your gerbils way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a paint brush
I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud music from upsetting me. I demand that you rehome to dog then sell the dog.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your smelly gerbils increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Daffidol Meadow.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your loud music on Tumblr.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
memeon