Enough With Your Loud Hedge and Smelly Sound-proofing
Dear Mr Smith,
I have always felt sad living near to you. You are the most rancid neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud singing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge is too loud and your sound-proofing way too smelly. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a hammer
I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud singing from upsetting me. I demand that you train the dog then paint the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your drum playing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Little Oakley.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your loud singing on Twitter.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
memeon