Enough With Your Untidy Dog and Tall Walls
Dear Mrs Jones,
I have always felt overjoyed living near to you. You are the most stunning neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your barking dog.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too untidy and your walls way too tall. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a paint brush
I have to insist that you take action to stop your barking dog from upsetting me. I demand that you cut down the hedge then clean up.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your unsightly garden ornament increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your barking dog on Pinterest.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
memeon