Chapter Two
Everyone embraces a personal portrait in their soul that defines their character and how they approach life. It is painted stroke-by-stroke, experience-by-experience and determines the light and shade of every emotion and can excite, sadden, give hope or lead to despair. Teaching the art of self-awareness is a great responsibility. Learning to question that which has been taught creates the path to enlightenment.
The drive from Orlando to Erstwhile took Richard and Susan Styles six and a half hours to complete. It was one they made several times. About half way in-to the trip the orange groves and interstate highways gave way to two-lane roads and towering pines. The hectic urban life they left behind was in stark contrast to the slow paced one that lay ahead. Neither would have the friendships they relied upon for their sense of self. It was up to each of them to support the other.
The town of Erstwhile was founded in 1837. For the briefest of times it was the largest city in the territory of Florida boasting over six thousand inhabit-ants. It was also home to the largest natural harbor that could be found along the gulf coast, which was the catalyst behind the town’s rapid growth. Only a year after its founding the town hosted the initial of four state Constitutional Conventions. Three years after that, a ship anchored in the harbor brought with it Yellow Fever. More than half the residents of this budding metropolis lost their lives, and the others fled in fear of the same fate. Adding insult to injury, Mother Nature destroyed the abandoned town as the storm surge from an unnamed hurricane washed away all signs of the once proud settlement. The affects of its inauspicious beginning had yet to be overcome. Only thirty six hundred people found the resources to make a living. A century and a half later the town and its people continued to struggle to find their identity in an ever-shrinking world. Richard and Susan made friends during their frequent trips and found the townspeople to be proud and resilient. They looked forward to becoming a part of that communal fabric and making a difference.
The quaintness of the people was a major reason the couple decided to make the move. They desired to lead less stressful lives, but more importantly they felt as though they could have a greater benevolent impact on a small town like Erstwhile. The couple felt very lucky to be where they were in their lives and wanted to do something to help others.
Richard and Susan had spent the majority of their adult lives chasing careers. Perfection was what he strived for. Anything less was considered a failure. She was the consummate pragmatist, who tried to take away a lesson from all of her experiences. It was hard for her to face unpleasant situations. The growing pains felt throughout the early part of their relationship were due mostly to each of them reacting to conflicts based on the ghosts of prior relationships. Living as husband and wife was difficult enough without having to live down the mistakes made unto, and of, others.
Richard never allowed any woman to get too close. He was determined to be his own man, and to rely on no one. Sometimes that meant he pushed people away before they got too close. It was as if he sabotaged relationships. He often wondered to himself if he avoided getting involved because of the unknown responsibility of having a family. Being a husband and father scared him. The example of being a well-rounded and productive man had never been properly exemplified during his formative years.
“Did you ever think that there was a chance you would never get married?” Susan asked as she looked at her husband from the driver’s seat.
“There were times, yes.”
“Don’t you think it may have been fate that brought us together when we met?”
“What do you mean, ‘when?’”
She hesitated. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I was mature enough to be married un-til we met.”
“Hmm,” was all Richard could manage to say. He stared out of his window and watched the scenery pass. After a few miles he asked, “Are you sure that this move is okay with you?”
“I was meant to be wherever you are.”
He appreciated her reassurance but somehow it had not cleansed his conscience of his guilt.
Richard had inherited a lovely little cottage at Erstwhile Beach, along with a mercantile store in the downtown district. They dreamed of a day when their kids and their friends would become fixtures in their lives. The inheritance was from a maternal great aunt. He questioned, as he did most things in his life, why he was the one to receive such a gracious gift. The only conclusion was that she knew he would take the responsibility very seriously, and he did.
Ever since the night they met, the dream of moving to Erstwhile was discussed openly. The decision was made final after an old boyfriend of Susan’s began stalking her soon after she and Richard were married. The first time he saw Ralph was as the couple walked through Paris on their honeymoon. Not until they reached Florence did Richard question Susan about the familiar face he had seen in each city along their way. The sightings continued after they returned home. Once she admitted the truth he was furious. Susan told him that she had corresponded with her ex-lover; that was how he knew their itinerary. He allowed the reason to go unaddressed. A younger more impetuous Richard would have been quick to judge his new wife. Calmly, but not without angst, he resolved to make this relation-ship his last. He was determined to stand by the woman he had chosen as his wife until their dying day.
Susan drove the couple’s dark green Chevy Ta-hoe down the two-lane highway. She had left the last section of four-lane highway in Perry. The road was desolate and remote. The only scenery that lay ahead consisted of rows of pine trees and small towns like Carrabelle and Lanark Village.
Richard sat partially reclined and stared outside at the trees as they quickly passed by his window. He thought of the challenges they would face when they got … home. It was odd thinking of Erstwhile as home, but he smiled at the thought, nonetheless. Little things concerned him. He worried that he would have to charge his customers too much. The residents of Erst-while were hard working people who didn’t have a lot.
The analytical nature of his mind gave way to the fantasy of his wife, and how glad he was that she was with him. He rolled his head over on the headrest and looked at her. Feeling his stare, she looked at him. Their eyes met and they smiled at one another. Her gaze quickly returned to the road ahead. He enjoyed looking at her. His eyes traced the outline of her body and how it fit ever so nicely in the leather captain’s chair. Her arms were firm and exposed by the black tank-top she wore. They extended from her shoulders without so much as a wiggle as she reached toward the steering wheel. Richard recalled the night they met. It was for drinks at Katie O’Brien’s in downtown Orlando. He arrived early, wanting to take no chances by being late. It didn’t bother him that Susan was tardy. He knew what he was waiting for. The entire north wall of the bar faced Central Boulevard and was made of collapsible shutters, which were open. He sat and watched as people came and went through the various doorways. Cars drove by intermittently. There were four sections of shutters, which meant that Susan could have appeared in one of the two outer segments, depending on the direction from which she approached. His eyes nervously darted between those two doors. Finally, she appeared in the one to his left. When the two made eye contact, she stopped in the middle of the floor and threw her arms out to the side as if to say, ta-da, here I am.
Richard smiled at the memory, and thought to himself, I remember how my stomach tingled when I saw her for the first time. His smile widened. I still get the same butterflies every time I see her. How can I be so lucky?
He shook his head, smiling almost incredulously at his good fortune. The most basic of urges began to overcome him. He turned and looked through the window, hoping to take his mind off his wife’s beauty. While staring at the rows of pine trees soaring past his window an occasional two-rut logging road would quickly come into and out of his view. Nothing he did seemed to take his mind off the desire he had for his wife. I wonder if I could get Susan to pull off onto one of these old logging roads? It’s Sunday. No one would be out here working. And, the trees provide a lot of cover. He looked back at her and smiled. Nah, he thought; She’d think I’m a pervert. Richard returned his stare to the landscape outside. He still could not chase away the thought of making love to his wife. What’s wrong with being a pervert? That’s my wife. I’m supposed to be turned on by her. When he realized that there was an abundance of saliva in his mouth. He chuckled to him-self. My mouth is watering at the thought of being with my wife!
“What are you laughing about?” Susan asked.
“Nothing. I was just thinking about how the police station in Carrabelle is a phone booth.”
She smiled.
He worried about not being honest with his wife about his true feelings, but Richard was unsure of how to suddenly broach the subject of making love. It had always just happened for them. While he continued to think about her, he wondered to himself, What word could I use to describe how I truly feel about Susan? Re-spect, immediately came to mind. No. That word has been over used, and besides that, every man who has ever tried to get laid has used that word as some sort of bait, or assurance that random sex was the right thing. No, I’m thinking of a word that has more of an eternal feel to it. He removed his wedding ring and looked at the inscription Susan had engraved on the inner band, One True Love Forever.
“What’s the inscription on the inside of your ring say?” he asked.
Susan took her left hand off the steering wheel and removed her engagement and wedding rings with her right as she steered with her knee. “Love, Unconditional and Eternal,” She replied.
“I can’t believe you had to take your ring off to know what was inscribed inside,” he joked.
“I knew what it said. I just wanted to make sure I had the words exactly right.” She placed the rings back on her finger while keeping the heel of her right hand on the steering wheel. Once she had finished, she returned both hands to the steering wheel at the ten-and-two position just as her father, Lester, had taught her. Richard began to think about the inscription on Susan’s ring. Love, Unconditional and Eternal. That pretty much sums up how I feel about her. Once again, he thought of making love to his wife, but not in the piney woods. What is it that makes it so special? Richard began to visualize them nude and embracing. It wasn’t any specific occasion he thought about, but it was real and tangible. She feels so right in my arms, like she be-longs there now and forever. Whenever I hold Susan it’s as though I could just melt into her, as if we were one. Our physical beings never get in the way of a singular heartbeat; breathing in unison, or the passion we create together.
Inevitably, the yen and yang of life caused him to think of the day when he and Susan would have to part. It was a day he dreaded, but one he knew could only be the result of death. He could never fathom wanting to leave her. Looking at the ring on his finger Richard asked himself, would she really be willing to stay with me forever?