I like humans. Dare I say, I love humans? Mmm… so delicious. Females taste better, but the males are easier to catch, and they are the only ones who carry the payload I need. Thankfully, in spite of their fierceness with each other, males barely put up a fight once in your grasp. Yes, Earth boys are easy. Their feminine counterpart, however, is a more complicated and dangerous beast. Not so easy to fool. They’ll scan you from head to toe as soon as you enter the room. Close scrutiny is something that you’ll want to avoid when you’re among them or risk being discovered. Women can’t help themselves, you see. They’re wired for it. When a woman sees another woman, she sizes you up on various attributes that all answer one question: how much of a threat are you to her place in the mammalian hierarchy? They can be particularly feisty if they perceive you as a threat. And when you’re as outrageously gorgeous as I am, baby, you are a threat.
So why do I take on the female form and risk unwanted attention to myself?
What else? Men.
Complex in many ways, but single minded in the presence of a beautiful female. Absolutely helpless when I’m around them. It’s astonishing really. The way they stiff up, paralyzed by my exquisitely engineered charms. They melt away as soon as I focus my gaze on them. I enjoy watching the softening of their stare, the perverse little smile that comes to their lips when we make eye contact. They scan my body differently too. Their lurid fixations- like those of a predator- linger on just a few delightful tidbits of my body. I particularly like the ones who turn into a stuttering mess as soon as I approach them. So amusing. A single word, and their eyes brighten like those of children looking at mountains of candy. All their defenses drop, leaving them completely helpless. Soon they’re eating from the palm of my hand, and I from the warmth of their necks.
It makes me wonder if my own kind used to be so ineffective in matters of reproduction. Maybe that’s why we’re on the edge of extinction and have to travel long distances to harvest other species just to survive. We tamed our sexual urges too late in the evolutionary sequence. Now look at us.
I have to admit that this assignment with humans has been a lot of fun. Most of it anyway. There is a particular specimen that has been rather troublesome lately. Not cooperative. Male, of course. Johnny by name. Ah, Johnny. There is one in every gene pool across the stars. Our terrestrial Johnny has been a naughty boy. Playing hard to get and messing around with my sisters. We had to send some of them back to the ship for repairs. I must say being able to handle several of them at once is rather impressive but still naughty. The thing is we’re a tight knit family, darling Johnny. You hurt one of us, you hurt all of us.
So tonight, I have a date with my angry Johnny. We’re going to set some things straight. Clarify matters. Maybe he’ll tell me what’s bothering him, and why he’s been so very naughty.
Inspiration Music
Angry Johnny by Poe
There are certain songs that are just begging for a story. Angry Johnny by Poe is one of those songs. I was finally able to sit down and write it up. Exorcise it if you will. Poe has an amazing and haunting voice. Very vampy. This song doesn't dissapoint.