Enough With Your Bushy Dog and Untidy Dog
Dear Peter,
I have always felt frustrated living near to you. You are the most rough neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your drum playing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too bushy and your dog way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a can opener
I have to insist that you take action to stop your drum playing from upsetting me. I demand that you paint the fence then paint the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your unsightly garden ornament increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a happy neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your drum playing on Reddit.
Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd