Enough With Your Booming Dog and Smelly Fence
Dear Mrs Smith,
I have always felt overjoyed living near to you. You are the most stunning neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your barking dog.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too booming and your fence way too smelly. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a can opener
I have to insist that you take action to stop your barking dog from upsetting me. I demand that you clean up then give up drum playing.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your drum playing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Little Oakley.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the council and post photos of your barking dog on Facebook.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd