Enough With Your Booming Fence and Loud Hedge
Dear Mr Williams,
I have always felt relieved living near to you. You are the most scruffy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your untidy hedge.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your fence is too booming and your hedge way too loud. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a can opener
I have to insist that you take action to stop your untidy hedge from upsetting me. I demand that you invest in better sound-proofing then varnish the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Daffidol Meadow.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the neighbourhood watch and post photos of your untidy hedge on Facebook.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd