Enough With Your Dirty Hedge and Smelly Gerbils
Dear Mrs Wilson,
I have always felt sad living near to you. You are the most ugly neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge is too dirty and your gerbils way too smelly. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a speaker
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you paint the fence then trim the lawn.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a respectable neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the neighbourhood watch and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Pinterest.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd