Yesterday my partner and I were discussing one of her friends who was having issues with her boyfriend. From everything she said, the guy just happened to be a narcissist and would not pass on the chances to hit her or guilt trip her in any argument. Turns out they have been together for 5 years, and now he's breaking up with her. He has broken up with her more than thrice in the last three months but they still managed to come back together. And according to my partner it isn't even the 10th time he's doing so. What surprises me is that she's a black belt in taekwondo, but around him she can't even lift a finger despite knowing her strength. It's not even as though she's old as she isn't above 25, yet she endures all these from him. The last scenario that occurred between them was what got me at the end of the day, the only thing she was crying about when he was threatening to break up was where she would start from after 5 years with him.
I wouldn't say I can understand how it feels, but I know for a fact how it feels to lose someone after the years you have invested in them. It took me 5 years to recover from a two year relationship, so yes I wonder how long it will take for her to recover from this. When my partner told me they have broken up, I immediately stated that they hadn't and wouldn't unless she decides to move on from him and leave that state she's in. This is because moving on would not be easy for her. I also discovered that despite this girl being a trained chef, as well as other important skills she has mastered, this guy would not let her work and would often frown at any opportunity for her to work. He prefers buying her expensive phones and accessories even when she's dying of hunger.
Now it looks like I'm trying to portray the guy in a bad light, I just pray she doesn't get to read this post because I would be onboarding her soon hehe… However, it's nothing but the truth and she doesn't see it. I think the whole reason she's still in this relationship is because she has never experienced true love. If she gets a taste of what true love really is, she would run away from the guy she's with currently. I say this because I know a little about her background, coming from a polygamous home, losing her mum and fending for herself, siblings and step siblings. She had to grow up fast at a very young age, and despite looking happy, she's very unhappy. I would even say she's depressed because anytime my partner speaks with her, she ends up crying all through. She always has something new to cry about, but yet, finds it difficult to let go of what is slowly eating her up.
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In the middle of the 5 years she has been with her boyfriend, she developed feelings for another guy who she had to friend zone because of her boyfriend. The reason she developed feelings was simply because her boyfriend could go a month without speaking with her, and for someone who values quality time a lot, you can imagine how much it would hurt. I can relate very well to everything going on with her because I have been that guy, although never a woman beater, I have once taken advantage of the love someone had for me because I knew nothing about love and till date, I still wish I could find her and apologize. I have also dated someone who was in an abusive relationship, and because she had not healed from that relationship, I ended up dealing with the after effect. If there was one thing I could tell my partner’s friend, it would be to pick up the pieces of her life, and move on because she is better than what she has become.
