You know, there's something different about losing someone to Suicide than there is to losing someone naturally. It's so dark, weird, surreal, i almost felt haunted in the days after he passed. I was really close wit my cousin as a kid - I think we were both weird kids, kinda misfits, and we had that in common. We were close up until a few years (5) before he took his life. I knew he was suffering - but I didn't know it was THAT bad. I had thought about him every week wishing we could catch up, wishing he could meet my daughter. But I knew he had severe anxiety, so I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. I loved him, and he was sitting there thinking nobody loved him. Why didn't I reach out to him? It's such a no brainer. While it sat in the back of my mind that he wasn't doing so well, I had my own battles. Becoming a first time solo Mum I was exhausted, depressed, lonely. I had my own shit to deal with. But I never thought of it that way. It's strange to spend 5 years missing someone you love before they ACTUALLY die. When he finally went to get help, he was turned away by the hospital because there were no beds...No beds...wow. Then he hung himself the next day. I got to read the reports about his suffering from the counselor. He was in a living HELL. And all these people did was write it down, like it was nothing new to them, like it was protocol and so formal yet here's a vulnerable life hanging on by his bloody teeth, while you sit there and take notes. We all know how crazy this world is, your mind can be your worst enemy. Please reach out, either FOR help or TO help.
This man Cori Gonzalez is probably one of my favorite humans right now. He spends his time making people laugh while going through something so dark. He's a comedian & an amazing human. This is his TED talk, where he tells his story.
Peace & Love <3
