Enough With Your Blunt Hedge Trimmer and Untidy Hedge
Dear Sarah,
I have always felt overjoyed living near to you. You are the most disruptive neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge trimmer is too blunt and your hedge way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a can opener
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you invest in better sound-proofing then cut down the hedge.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your smelly gerbils increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the council and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Facebook.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
justadoge