Some losses or occurrences make people rethink their investment or retirement plans. Just weeks ago, I was pumped up about the bull run, the future, retirement plans, and all that, but fast-forward to this week, everything doesn't seem to matter anymore to me. It's surreal how the orientation to chase after the good things in life seems to fade away when we come in contact with some of the harshest realities of life. 2021 seems to have been the most productive year for me in recent times, and how everything changed seems questionable.
For someone who loves to cook, work, save, chase ROI, and plan for the future, everything just seems like mere futility to me nowadays. It's not like I haven't been taking care of my health, but with the tragic passing of my brother, I'm just beginning to think that life eventually happens to people, either good or bad, no matter how ill or well-prepared we are. Being blind to our future is a blessing and a curse, but sometimes I feel that when people come to terms with the eventuality of life, it will cause them to take some aspects of life seriously.
I'm hurt at the moment. I've never been this hurt all my life, I feel futile and a part of me is unwilling to persevere. From 2012 to 2017, I remembered all the risks I took just to make money, I was doing two jobs to take care of myself and my aunt if I begin to remember all the risks I took, sometimes I feel it's the supernatural intervention of God that kept me from any danger. Nowadays things are different, the internet brought a massive breakthrough for me, and I was thinking I'd set up my brother when the bull market eventually arrives, but then, this is no longer possible.
I'm hurt because some of the struggles we undertake are going to be futile and the most painful aspect is that we do not know this. A lot of people are depriving themselves of happiness, the gratification of satisfaction, and genuine rest, because they want to secure the bag, but sometimes, the thing we give off just to secure or guarantee the future is not worth it. Sometimes, the thin line between survival and extinction is the decision to do too much or do too little, and have our life, and sanity intact instead of giving it away to vanity.
My brother worked so hard and still, things didn't turn out the way he wanted and this has left me so hurt, I could have told him to probably stop giving too much energy to all that hustle, but I couldn't help but wonder if that hustle contributed to his underlying health issues. Sometimes I just wish he left all that hustle and enjoyed his life without having to bother about chasing or securing the bag. That burden of being successful must've hit differently and I'm sure it was too much to bear. I probably did push him to secure the bag too. If I begin to think about it, maybe I was just too harsh, but I used to take solace in the idea that I only wanted the best for him.
I wished I hadn't pushed too hard. I can't exactly tell. But the truth is, nothing is worth more than the life we have, not even the need to make money. I'm having a lot of regret at the moment, I'm hurting badly and I cannot even work, and I have bills piled up to take care of and the motivation to move on isn't there. I feel like a piece of me is gone, and I don't think I'll ever have the motivation to think futuristically or even the motivation to hustle. Life feels futile these days, and as a person who is dogged about goals and financial freedom, I cannot shake away the fact every effort one makes might amount to futility, especially since we cannot tell the future.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm paranoid, but my life has changed and some of the present occurrences I'm facing are threatening to obliterate everything that I've come to learn and believe. Life happens to people, and these days my judgment of what is right or wrong is flawed and I can't seem to categorically say my assertion is top notch as before. I don't know the future, and if this can change I don't know how much it'll change. I'm used to loss, but this loss has left a huge dent and changed everything forever, but I promise to keep writing and reflecting.
Interested in some more of my works
