I am being consumed by Kpop now. Specifically by BTS. And I don't think it's healthy anymore. I always think about them 24/7, wherever I am, wherever I can. Okay lang na may hobby ka, may passion and love ka for Kpop pero kung nasasagasaan na yung priorities mo, hindi na nakakabuti sayo. Should I stay away from Kpop now?
Every night when I go to bed and before my body paralyzes into sleep, I have this fantasy that I am a Bighit/BTS staff. (I think it started when I got fooled by someone named 'Seohyun' pretended on sns as a staff.) The scenario, I'm a licensed teacher already, went to SoKor during summer to fulfill my Kpop dreams. I'll meet fellow Filipino fangirls and fanboys whom will eventually lead me to Bighit and recommend me as a temporary staff during my vacation. I'm already a staff, but I don't talk or get near BTS because I don't wanna be labeled as a sasaeng or taking chances or whatever. Masaya na ko na nakikita ko sila sa malayo. The catch is, my personality is bright, I laugh loud enough for a whole room to hear (wc is btw the complete opposite of me irl) which makes me noticable enough for BTS. I went back to PH after my vacation but I have this desire to go back so I did during Christmas break for 2 weeks. Things happened again where BTS never fails to notice me because I'm one of a kind and far from a Korean girl persona which is prim and proper. I went to SoKor for the 3rd time during the next summer, and that is the time where I was offered by Bang PDnim to become a fulltime staff since everyone wants me to stay. Still I was contemplating to accept the offer since being a full time staff means leaving my profession, my masters studies, and getting my mom mad. But since the heart wants what it wants, I did accept the offer. There were instances I have to talk to BTS and I get so much kilig esp when its Jimin because everyone knows I have a huge crush on him. They eventually found out that I can sing, dance, and rap because I mingle with the trainees and dancers during my free time. Bang PDnim was in awe too so he offered me to become a trainee. I declined tho because I'm already 23 and I think that age is too old to start getting training as an idol. "If I was offered when I was a teenager, I could've accepted." Days passed, and I get to bond more with BTS boys except for Jimin. I think he avoids me because he knows I like him. The member I'm most close with is V, ever since I was assigned to look after him in the hospital where he just pretended to be sick just to ditch his schedule that day. I always blackmail him that's why we became close. One day, Bighit had a company outing and out of fun, us staffs had a diss battle. I was so good that they even joked me to join SMTM. The auditions were held a few days later and I decided to join just for fun also. I ended up being the first female and foreign SMTM winner which led me to fame. I was offered a contract by big companies including YG but I declined and signed to Bighit. Now that I'm labelmates with BTS, I became the opening act for their world tour. I had my album, variety show appearances, guestings, cfs, magazine covers, etc. My first two years were so full that I even surpassed BTS' popularity. Now that I have established my name, I can already face Park Jimin. Turns out he likes me too the first time he laid my eyes on me, he's just a great big pretender but we ended up together anyway. ❤
I still have a lot of episodes in between the story but if I write it all it might be enough to be published as a book. See how far my imaginations got me? I'M SICK OF IT BUT I LIKE IT. That's the only way I could interact with them--through my dreams. But this afternoon when I took my nap, I had a weird dream which stucked in my mind. I took a tour bus which will take me to BTS but road was dangerous. It looked like rice terraces that the bus might roll down with just one wrong move. I was shouting "Lord" until the road was stable. When I got off the bus, there was no BTS in sight but BTS merches. I was so dissappointed that I just decided to go home. I called for a taxi but they said there were no taxis in that place. I COULDN'T GO HOME! Maybe that dream meant that I should stop investing too much feelings for BTS because I'll just be dissappointed in the long run for not focusing on the things that matter more.
I always tell myself that they're just my idols, and there's no way I'll end up being with one of them. They can be my source of happiness and inspiration but they shouldn't be the center of my life. Someday I'lll get over with it too so I'm just enjoying it while it lasts.~
Note: btw I'm not 23 yrs old, my story is in the time where I already finished college. I'm only 17 and an ugly potato.
