Published via Ecency

Friday, 29th of September 2023 [89]

I want to say YES, of course!

But…

In truth I can’t even say if I will be here, on Earth in 5 years time. I know… sounds a bit pessimistic. I don’t mean to be. I’m just realistic.

I know myself well enough to know that I just don’t know. I have a tendency to dig deep into something new that excites me and I want to learn all about it and stick with it for some time, then burn out and let it slide.

The only thing that I found in life that really still excites me to this day, even though I first started it when I was a child is DANCING 💃😁

That said, I really want tk say: yes, I’ll be here. Because the plan is to be here not only for 5 years, but for much longer than that. The plan is to grow my Hive wallet, so one day the passive income funds my retirement and I sincerely hope that Hive blockchain will be here for that long!

I wrote on a few different platforms over the years. I really do love writing. I’ve been writing for myself, to document my daily life ever since I was a 12 years old teenager. Nobody paid me to do this. Nobody set the goals. Nobody forced me to do this. I did however feel a strong need for writing and I remember my school friends loved reading my diaries ☺️

I remember drafting these on loose sheets of paper and then carefully re-writing it into my designated notebook without any mistakes. I remember highlighting names and dates in colourful pens. I still have that first one to this day and I love reading it every few years when I stumble upon it.

See, I want my Hive diary to be paperless, blockchain version of that old diary. I want to be able to read it in 5, 10, 20, 30 years. I want it to remind me about who I once was, about all the adventures I once experienced. I want to read about my past struggles and challenges and how I overcame them and how I grew through them to that future me who will be reading this.

And as I write this, I feel a new energy coming in, a renewed will to write. Not for the sake of upvotes. Not to race after some more or less realistic goals. For MY FUTURE SELF.

I wanted to say that I’m not really sure what went wrong? Why did I stop writing? Not completely, but not regularly either. But I think I do know. It’s the goals and the pressure I put on myself to achieve them. The more I push myself, the easier I break under my own pressure.

The fact is though, that I simply love writing and that I also love reading my own writing 😂 I remember a friend of mine once sent me an article I once wrote when I felt really good about my life. He sent me this to remind me who I am, while I was plodding through another dark patch. I remember it made me cry. For more than one reasons, which I won’t get into right now.

While driving to my favourite dance school with my friend yesterday, she asked me how is work.

‘Same old?’ she asked.

The answer was… actually, no! At work, things chaged around quite drastically. I’ll probably write about it in another post, but to cut the story short - in a few months I went from despising and avoiding my new boss to him sending me an email that I’m doing fantastic work lately!

Did he change over night?

No! I changed my approach to him and that in turn healed our relationship and made him see I’m really good at what I do.

The reason why I mention this is because I also just realised that I need to change my approach to writing. Setting goals doesn’t motivate me nowhere near as well as other people. What really motivates me is the love I feel for what I do.

Dancing is of course the best example, where I go through various obstacles just to find myself on that dance floor for a few good dances. A few moments of real connection with another human being and music. It’s like a moving meditation for me.

I often find excuses for not writing:

I’m tired,
Ecency picture servers are not working,
I’ll do it tomorrow,
I feel too empty to write,
I can’t be bothered to do editing,
I want to relax after hard day at work,
My health is more important.

Granted. When I was 12, I didn’t have to work, I didn’t have health issues. There was a level of editing involved even back then however. I always liked things looking nice in my diary. I also must have been tired after spending most of the day at school and then doing my homework.

Writing back then also was a form of relaxation for me though. A lot was happening in my life. A lot more than what child should go through. Writing was my channel of expression. The place where I could pour it all out. It was not meant for anyone’s eyes than mine’s even though eventually it ended up being read by my school mates.

Predominantely I was doing it for myself and I never expected any rewards for doing it. I felt a real need and enjoyment in writing.

That is the place I really need to go back to. Writing for myself. To get stuff off my chest. To document the happy and the sad days.

That said… where will my wallet be in 2028?

There will be shit loads of HP, HBD, Leo, EDS and ALIVE tokens in my wallet. At least from where I’m standing right now. Cause many things can change in 5 years. Maybe Hive will change into a new blockchain and there will be no HP, but AB that matters. Who knows?

Assuming things will be more or less the same, I am hoping to for a steady progress towards my retirement pot. 3k HP a year will land me at 20k HP in 2028. That’s not huge, but like I said - I really don’t want to be restrained with the monetary goals. While I’ll most likely continue to set them every year, I don’t want them to be my main motivation to write. It just doesn’t work for me.

I want to enjoy writing again.
I want my writing to touch people’s hearts, make them laugh, cry, inspire or… feel whatever emotions are relevant to the post.
I want to meet more and more interesting people and make REAL connections.
I want to keep the quality of my posts at the highest possible standard I can achieve in a given moment.
And I really, really want to be able to get back to those entries of mine when I’m old and wrinkly and re-live those momens again.

So no pressure HIVE, but we need to keep this going for much longer than 5 years!

Until next time 💙

This post was written for #ladiesofhive 153rd community contest .