Sometimes I doubt life, the world, and almost always of the people, but since they can be as weak as me, most of the time I justify them, just as I used to justify myself (when in fact I was not). I was full of excuses in an era, but now I want to do so much, but of what I need to do it, the truth: I have disciplined myself so little, that it is normal to see me and not expect much from me, and by this I mean others... Not me, I expect a lot from me. Every year that passes, every day that passes so quickly and fades before my eyes, I question myself about my bed. What has remained for me? What valuable thing do I have? It is the question at the end of the year. I'm young ... I said that myself two years ago, and I still do not have anything, nothing temporary that can say "I did this", I achieved it. There is something of helplessness, but I persist, suddenly it occurs to me to do one thing and the others, I get excited about every new and revolutionary thing in my mind. As I would like to absorb all the possible knowledge just by reading it, just by listening to it, but 90% of it vanishes.
The world is not what it was 100 or 30 years ago, and now that WHAT matters!. What could have been invented has already been as at the beginning of each generation, and now we are in the stage of evolution, of constant competition. Now I am something without form and I have not yet perfected my content as one of those perfect pictures of a painter from whom I have already forgotten his name ... but not his beautiful and colorful landscapes, elucidating every emotion of every object in the landscape.
I want to be like that painter and his work of art. I want to be the artist and my life the canvas on which I build my own work of art. Maybe I paint it, maybe I write it, maybe it will produce it, maybe I will multiply it. Something will consist of it, I'm sure. There is no way back. Not now, not never.
Thanks a lot for reading it!
XOX
