I am not talking about the physical pain like the one you get from a cut or a bruise I am talking about that metaphysical pain. The one that you can never truly grasp or understand no matter how hard you try, its a feeling in your stomach or a feeling in your chest it isn't the feeling of something being there that hurts its the feeling of something being absent. It comes when you think and realize the point in living is null that no matter how many meters that you climb in the game of life no matter what you do, you will come back crashing down. The pain I speak of comes and goes you feel happy for awhile and then one day you feel as if the worlds against you and there is no such thing as the word known as "friend". You have surrounded yourself in people and claimed they love you but now you feel as if they have unloved you. You feel as if mind is splitting in two from the point of the stake that is asking the question, Why do I continue?
It is so I can get a job and feel happy then? What is the point in striving to be happy when I feel as if I will die tomorrow, what is the point? The deeper you soar into this concept and this idea of life being meaningless the closer you feel that maybe you should hasten the inevitable. A quick slick slit that all it would talk to send your soaring downwards back to zero. An incision into my jugular would probably hurt less then the pain I feel when I am a juggler. A juggler of the misery and sadness that comes with life please tell me what is the point? Because currently it seems all I can see is a void, a void where those that cheat succeed and those like me stay up tonight contemplating the meaning of my own existence and whether I am worthy of this existence? I stay up all night writing my feelings in a hope that once the points are down they will end by becoming blunt but here I am still trying to pretend that there is a meaning to the end.
