"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
~ Frederick Douglass
Hello hive naija.
This is 
What would you do differently for your kids?
Yes, there is a lot of talk about failed parenting, judging from the kind of evil we see young children doing in their teens and early twenties. But surely, these things are not new, they are only amplified by a more connected world via the internet. I am saying that children, teen and adolescents were involved in extreme vices far before the advent of the telephone.
Some claim that the "children of these days" no longer listen, they are stubborn and self conceited because of the exposure to knowledge. But if we examine the scenerio properly, it could be that the children are tired of following orders blindly and need to be enlightened, given proper information as to the reason for actions they are expected to take.
I have taken some time to examine parents and their children, and there is usually one recurring issue. Most parents lack the patience to sit with a child and properly educate a child, instilling morals into the child.
The internet is messing with our children's mind...
That may be true, but it is only so because as a parent, you have failed to get yourself ready to train the children and exercise the kind of authority that you have. And, it may not be your fault. It could be that your parents failed to do the same for you.
Failed parenting is almost always the result of a failed childhood. But, the fact that you had it bad from your parents doesn't mean you should pass the same down to your kids. This is why I have been spending a lot of time studying myself and gaining the necessary knowledge to be able to handle children.
I know children can be a handful and I am preparing myself for their coming. Here are a few things I would do differently in raising my children.
Completely ban flogging or any form of punishment that involves physical assault.
I know that a lot of Nigerian and Africans believe that if you "Spare the rod", you will "Spoil the child". But the truth remains that there is no proof that notion is accurate.
If anything, beating a child increases the emotional damage it does. The reason a lot of people still think flogging is effective is because, in the short term it is effective. The child wants to avoid pain so he follows your orders to the later. But when you are absent, he would contravene your words and do what he finds pleasure doing. So in the long run, you are building a child who is good at camouflaging his true intentions.
Then when the child does something that is completely outlandish, you realize that you don't know who your child is anymore. People would argue, that they were flogged and that is why they turned out to be fine responsible individuals. But the question is, "can you prove that it was the flogging that affected your outcome as a responsible adult?" There are people who were not flogged one bit as children and yet they are a lot more responsible than those who received flogging like Jesus before his crucifixion.
I should write a full article on this subject soon
I am going to treat my kids as independent thinking individuals
Most people think that a child is like a brainless little monkey that doesn't think and needs to always be told what to do even without explaining. That may be the case if the child has a congenital defect that affects the frontal cortex. But as long as the child is healthy and has normal brain function then, he needs to be treated like someone who is capable of complex thinking.
Of course, their frontal cortex at this time is still developing, but it is your devotion to explaining things to them that makes the frontal cortex develop quickly and effectively for the kind of thinking that the child requires.
When a parent tells a child " don't play outside at night"... He feels the child has an obligation to obey him whether the child understands why or not. More or less what is done in the army. Orders are given, you don't ask questions, you just carryout the order, even if it would lead to your death. that's how many people handle their children.
For every instruction I give my kids, I would explain why it is important to carry it out. I would treat them as individuals who can think for themselves and give them some space to take initiatives and do things for themselves. As a parent, I would only serve as a guide to help my kids make the right decision.
I think the internet has become one of the biggest changes that has come to stay. As adults, it is our responsibility to understand the internet for our children. We can't guide them when we don't know what we are guiding them through. Most parents lost their kids to the internet because they were ignorant of the internet. They didn't have the internet in their time and when the internet came around, taking out time to study it for the sake of their kids was a sacrifice they just couldn't make.
I don't think banning kids from the internet is the right way to handle kids and that is why I would always strive to have superior knowledge of the internet till my kids grow up to become adults. That's how I can effectively guide them through it.
I don't think children these days are wired differently from children in previous times. I think that the world changed and our parents didn't see it coming. They couldn't foresee the effect of the great change that came upon the world and how it would affect them in raising their kids, so they did nothing and things went off the wheel.
There is the argument of nature versus nurture when it comes to these things, but I have good reason to believe that nature eventually succumbs to nurture. Gene changes have been found to exist in species that can be attributed to the environmental changes.
In Conclusion.
Child training is a humongous responsibility that I have been getting myself ready for. I know that when the time comes I would be a great Dad.
