It is that time of the year again, when you have to pretend you don't care about Valentine's Day while a small, juvenile part of you hopes that somebody writes a madrigal about you or even whisks you away on a trip to Hawaii.
But reality kicks your butt.
A large part of the population still does not wear bright pink or blood red on Valentine's Day but rather just tries to lay low or ignore it. The following graphs, which I created but in which my various personalities had input, demonstrate that it is true:
How do you think single people spend Valentine's Day? Well, that depends on whether you're a man or a woman.Men want to be single on V-Day, and women don't. It is a bad generalization, but from my experience, it is absolutely true.
A long, long time ago, there was a cowering person in the corner at parties (kidding! They were never invited). For unhappily single people, the rest of the world appears to be in kaleidoscopic colours in comparison to their ancient black and white selves. They're such an outlier from the general population that their existence doesn't count.
But then, they meet another loner, and get meh-rried so that they can be alone together.
The world thinks that this couple buys flowers, chocolates, and champagne to celebrate their love (eww), but the story for most married couples is:
But again, they do celebrate their love (why do I keep writing this?) and the result is a baby who does not sleep like a baby. For these zombie parents, Valentine's Day is
So, remember, folks. What are the totally real statistics for Valentine's Day?
Single or not single—either way, 99.998999% of the population just secretly buys themselves a chocolate bar on Valentine's Day while suspecting that everybody else is sitting on a bed of rose petals surrounded by champagne towers while light piano music plays in the background.
What is Valentine's Day about?
Capitalism
And that eternal question: What is love?
An illusion created by mankind that someday we will meet someone who can witness our lives and give us half-eaten chocolates and freshly stolen flowers on a day designed by the gifting industry.
But maybe, just maybe, you'll be lucky enough to be paired with your mom's doctor's neighbour's best friend's son, who was your kindergarten friend, and something akin to love will blossom to allay some of your boredom.
These graphs are purely fictional and only meant for the purpose of humor.
