When I read about this episode's topic, it reminded me of the words of Dorothy Law Nolte. It says:
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Parenting is such a tasking job. It requires dilligence and wisdom. For every way we train a child, there's an effect waiting at the end of the journey. Foundation they say, makes a house. Whatever adults are today, I believe is more than 50% of the representation of how they were raised. This all boils down to parenting.
Growing up was fun for me. I enjoyed every part of the journey though there were some rough rides as well. My parents were very transparent and I loved that about them. Even though I was young, I always remember us sitting round the table after morning prayers and discussing everything that was worth discussing. I watched my parents discuss their conflict in the presence of my sibling and I. They would allow us to judge the issue and they'll take corrections where necessary. It was beautiful. No one was cheated when it came to gifting me and my brother.
I started encountering challenges when I grew into a teenager. My dad would harass me if he saw me close to any guy. This had an effect on me. I barely hug people and I'm trying hard to adjust but it makes me uneasy. Some people think I'm full of myself because of it. Others just think I'm weird. What can I do?
My dad used to listen to my phone calls and query me thereafter. I wasn't given much privacy at all and I hated it. It felt as though my parents didn't trust me. My parents really monitored my relations with others. A lot of my friends weren't comfortable coming to my house because of how my dad acted. There were moments when I was beaten in front of my Friends. I felt so embarrassed. One time I asked my mum if her friends did visit her when she was living with her parents. I asked the question because I wanted to know I had their permission to agree that my friends can visit me at home. But my dad said I was a very stupid girl and I perished the idea. It was hard communicating sensitive issues with my parents, especially my dad. I never knew how they'd react so I was always writing everything in my diary.
Despite all these rough rides, my parents are amazing. They raised a pretty, smart and badass black bold girl. They didn't get it all right but I understand. So I wish to raise my children, my daughter especially a bit differently.
I'll advise that parents be more kind to their children. In speeches and in deeds. I wouldn't like to embarrass my children in front of their friends or guests. I want to have a really strong bond with my children and my girl child too. I want them to be able to come to me with their issues and insecurities with boldness knowing that they are safe and loved no matter what.
My parents equally had a lot of beliefs that I felt weren't very suitable for a 21st century child like me. For instance, my mom especially holds the opinion that it's not right for parents to eat out with their kids while they are still young. She feels they are exposed to an expensive lifestyle too early and the children will always eat out rather than learn to cook and eat at home.
I disagreed with my parents and without their knowledge, I started going out to restaurants by myself. I've been telling them that though I understand my things from my mum's perspective, children of the 21st century need exposure. There's this scenario I recall perfectly. It was in English class in my high school days. The English teacher asked us to mention names of eateries that we know. We mentioned one after the other. A classmate of mine stood up and said "cutlery". The class roared with laughter.
I asked my mum how the boy was expected to know the names of eateries if he had never visited one. It is 50% impossible. It's worse if he lives in a rural area, he'll never know. Well unless he has friends who are exposed and talk to him about these things.
From this experience, I made up my mind to try to learn necessary things my parents didn't teach me. When I become a parent too, I'll like to expose my children to necessary things for education sake because common knowledge, they say, is not not so common. I will try to create a healthy environment for my children to grow in and I intend to live a life worthy of emulation. I will be intentional about what my children live with because that's what they'll learn.
This is the little I can say about parenting.
I am a witty, adventurous and nicheless writer who loves to sing, take pictures, teach and travel. I am currently an English Education student at the University of Nigeria Nsukka. I am also a young children's teacher who homeschools kids during holidays. I love to share my life experiences through writing with the hope of inspiring as many people as possible on the Hive space.
