If you are considering suicide, stop. There are other choices, you just have to find them.
I am writing this to share my experience of a very large Citalopram overdose. My intention at the time was not suicide but to merely cause myself physical pain. This was in response to an emotional issue where I had no previous experience to draw from. This issue caused a cascade of many other issues, adding to the whole problem. The physical destruction of inanimate objects was not satisfactory, therefore a drug overdose seemed like the next appropriate step. Had I taken a larger quantity then I may not be here writing this now. I would urge anyone considering this to seek other options. My overdose experience did not solve anything.Please note that the timings listed below are retrospective approximations. After day one there is less of a need to document time-frames as the symptoms become more consistant.
Substance: Citalopram Hydrobromide (tablet prescribed)
Dosage: 840mg (28x20mg + 28x10mg)
Body weight: 205lb
Day 1
T+0:00
Hungover from approximately 15 pints of strong ale the previous night. Large quanities of alcohol must still exist in my system. My only nutrition intake was a small lunch the previous day before the alcohol consumption. I proceed with oral administration of 28 x 20mg Citalopram Hydrobromide tablets. Total of 560mg.
T+0:15
Additional oral administration of 28 x 10mg tablets of Citalopram Hydrobromide. Total of 280mg creating an aggregate total of 840mg
.T+0:30
Nothing happening yet. I go lay down in bed.
T+1:00
Intense rushing feeling through my head. Feels like a powerful air jets on each of my eyes blowing in to my brain. No euphoria or energisation being experienced. Laying on the bed becomes difficult, altitute seems too high and an urgent need to seek lower ground. Now laying on the floor.
T+1:15
Intense rushing feeling ceases. Extreme agitation sets in. Rolling and squirming around the floor in despair, almost caterpiller type wiggling movements. Altitude still seems too high. Start to dig head in to the floor trying to seek lower ground. This continues for about an hour.
T+2:00
Agitation ceases. I stand up. Feel sick but unable to vomit or expel. Onset of disorientation and a slight loss of equilibrium. I lay down again, switching between bed and floor. Altitude is still not right.
T+4:00
I stand up and walk around aimlessly from one room to another completely uncertain as to what I want. I feel the need to do something but uninterested in everything. Early symptons of serotonin syndrome start to manifest. Unable to maintain acceptable body temperature, too hot, too cold, sweating and shivvering. Severely mentally confused. Feeling dulled and short of breath.
T+4:30
Intense rushing feeling through my head returns. Motor control becomes difficult, each step requires concentration, legs feel both heavy and light. Vision is becoming blurry.
T+5:30
Agitation returns. Motor control is still hindered. Vision is still blurred. Becoming dizzy, light-headed and extremely disorientated. Breath is short but manage large exhalations with each intense mind rush. Symptoms of serotonin syndrome still manifesting. Now considering seeking medical help. Instead, I go lay down with the intention of sleeping it off. I manage to get some sleep.
T+14:00
I awake feeling confused, the emotional problems are still prominent and I would prefer to stay asleep. My conscious mind is quiet when I am sleeping, it makes things easier. Unfortunately I am awake. On the positive side, most of the bad symptoms seem to have subsided...for now.
Know your mind. Know your body. Know your substance. Erowid
Day 2
sunday, cope by smoking roughly 4 grams of high grade marijuana. helps subdue the symptoms
Day 3
monday, colours are dull and the world seems blank and lifeless, mentally flat (how other people have described anti-depressants), body feeling like Diazapam. Bouts of extreme anxiety, panic attacks and fear.
Day 4
tuesday, feeling clearer but still fairly dulled mentally. somnolence and irritibility
Day 5
wednesday, anxiety, insomnia
Day 6
thursday, light-headedness, hot and cold sweats. somnolence
Based on the pharmacology and chemistry of Citalopram, specifically the sterochemistry and the metabolisation rate, 840mg of racemic Citalopram should equate to roughly 420mg of the active S enantiomer, and also considering the half-life of being roughly 36 hours, then the timings listed above seem to be pretty accurate. This aside....What I did was fucking stupid.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Friedrich Nietzsche
