In African homes, family is regarded as one of the strongest bonds that can exist. You’ll see the meaning of family across a range of different things - the way we address each other, talk to each other, and even our eating arrangements. But does eating together actually strenghten familial bonds?
My dad even today keeps telling me stories about how he and his siblings used to eat together from one big bowl as children. If you were too slow to eat, the bowl would be empty by the third time your hand visits it. He says that united them and taught them to toughen up and not be lackadaisical about anything in their lives. He believes that one of the reasons families today have grown distant from each other and why we (young people of today) are lazy and careless is because we don’t practice that tradition anymore. I wouldn’t know whether he is right or not, but I see how eating together could foster sibling relationships.
I do agree that eating together is an excellent way to weave the idea of unity or togetherness into your kids. Before I turned 9, I lived in my family house. What I remember from my raising then was that most days, we (all my nuclear and extended relatives) ate from the same pot of someone who was not our mothers. But we felt safe doing so because we were aware that their child was among us and that that person saw us all as their child united under that bowl. As we ate, we would have banter and fight over trivial stuff, and that made the bond between us stronger.
I lost touch with a lot of my extended family after I moved out of our family house into my mother’s house when I turned 10. My dad always complains about how I am negligent of family and how I don’t know people aside my siblings. Whiles it’s not directly connected to the pot of soups my peers and I shared, you can see how it’s an extension of that.
I have this cousin I speak to only about once or twice a year when he needs something. But I still see him as my brother and am at his beck and call anytime because of how many meals he and I had together when I was a kid. Mmm, food does united people, doesn’t it?
But…
As much as I would’ve loved to continue the family dining tradition, I believe eating when and where you want has a lot more advantages especially in today’s world.
A lot has changed. We’re all adults now and I can’t imagine still having to eat with all those grown men every day. We no longer just go to school, come back to roam around and eat later at night. We’re busy humans that do work important for the progression of our country and humanity😂. Imagine having to negotiate with recruiters that you need to have dinner with your siblings at 7pm every night and it’s just non-negotiable. Aside the responsibilities and realities of the working world, we’re also now aware of things we weren’t aware of when were kids, that does not support the eating together culture we were practicing.
But really, family dinners are not the only way to instill unity in households. Today, if my lost relatives and I want to rekindle our weakened relationships, we wouldn’t need food to do that. Simple conversations would do the trick. And so with everything said, I don’t think I would be an advocate for making family dinners mandatory for everyone on the basis of strengthening familial bonds, unless of course everyone involved consents to it. Even then, I believe the frequency should not be too often because people naturally get used to things quickly and when that happens, would begin to see this as a nuisance rather than an avenue to enjoy quality time with the family, even though they initially consented to it.
Cover image is mine, the other one belongs to a photographer friend and was used with his permission.
