Muy pocas veces he tenido está sensación tan extraña, de estar y no estar presente, es difícil sobre todo porque soy una persona activa, soy madre y maestra y mis cinco sentidos deben estar alertas para responder a cualquier situación.
Pero desde hace días vengo lidiando con una situación relacionada con la salud de mi madre y aunado a está a los conflictos inesperados que está a desatado en nuestra familia, la verdad ante cualquier situación intento ser lo más resolutiva posible, intentando no buscar culpables de esos que realmente no van a dar ninguna solución a la situación.
Ahora bien todo esto a afectado un poco mi estado emocional a tal punto, que he dejado de sentir ese deseo de hacer cosas positivas que son parte de mis días, mi pensamiento a radicado en episodios del pasado y otros que quizás a futuro nunca lleguen a ocurrir, pero es que siento que todos me aprisionan roban mi respiración y me impiden conectar con el presente.
Vivir este modo inconsciente es una situación fuerte, que de seguro estoy dispuesta a desactivar, mis pensamientos saltan de un lado a otro en mi mente y es difícil centrar mi atención en lo que hago o debo hacer, ya que entre tantas interrogantes, pierdo parte de mi disfrute por las cosas que la vida me presenta cada día, como disfrutar de mi comida, reír, dibujar, dar un cálido abrazo a mis seres amados y hasta vivir plenamente mi momento perfecto de tomarme un café.
De hecho vale decir que he tenido que disculparme y bajar la presión al reaccionar, sin querer de manera impulsiva con mis seres amados, cuando es normal que las rutinas en casa, sean atendidas por mi como mamá, pero la irritación de la situación con los conflictos que ha generado la crisis de salud de mi madre, a alterado de cierta forma mis nervios y me ha dejado en una pausa al disfrute.
He necesitado escribir estas líneas, porque la verdad no he tenido nunca la necesidad de ir a ocupar un sillón en una consulta con algún psicólogo, siempre he tenido la fuerza de voluntad de enfrentar las adversidades de manera calmada, aún cuando hoy me siento como una bengala, así que detenerme, respirar y escribir me ha permitido conectar con el presente.
Me ha ayudado a recordar que todo tiene solución y que estar viva es una de ellas, reconectar con mi cuerpo no solo es bienestar para mí, sino para quienes me rodean, aprender a elegir como sentir mis emociones es vital para mantener mi bienestar.
Mantenerme presente en mi vida es muy importante, enfocar mis pensamientos y emociones es una forma de autocontrol que nadie tiene el derecho de cambiar, vivir momentos buenos y no tan buenos es parte de este devenir llamado vida.
No me gusta sentirme así, olvidar el disfrute y estar buscando momentos que me hagan sentir culpable, porque esto tampoco ayudará definitivamente a solucionar esta situación.
! [English]
In mode: autopilot >Catharsis
It is difficult, especially because I am an active person, I am a mother and a teacher and my five senses must be alert to respond to any situation.
But for days now I have been dealing with a situation related to my mother's health and added to this the unexpected conflicts that this has unleashed in our family, the truth is that in any situation I try to be as resolute as possible, trying not to look for those who are really not going to give any solution to the situation.
Now all of this has affected my emotional state to such an extent that I have stopped feeling the desire to do positive things that are part of my days, my thoughts have turned to past episodes and others that may never happen in the future, but I feel that they all imprison me, rob me of my breath and prevent me from connecting with the present.
Living in this unconscious mode is a strong situation, which I am surely willing to defuse, my thoughts jump from one side to another in my mind and it is difficult to focus my attention on what I do or should do, because among so many questions, I lose part of my enjoyment for the things that life presents me every day, such as enjoying my food, laughing, drawing, giving a warm hug to my loved ones and even fully living my perfect moment of having a coffee.
In fact it is worth saying that I have had to apologise and lower the pressure by reacting, unintentionally in an impulsive way with my loved ones, when it is normal that the routines at home, are taken care of by me as a mum, but the irritation of the situation with the conflicts that my mother's health crisis has generated, has altered my nerves in a certain way and has left me in a pause of enjoyment.
I have needed to write these lines, because the truth is that I have never had the need to go and sit in a psychologist's chair, I have always had the willpower to face adversity in a calm way, even if today I feel like a flare, so stopping, breathing and writing has allowed me to connect with the present.
Living in this unconscious mode is a strong situation, which I am surely willing to defuse, my thoughts jump from one side to another in my mind and it is difficult to focus my attention on what I do or should do, because among so many questions, I lose part of my enjoyment for the things that life presents me every day, such as enjoying my food, laughing, drawing, giving a warm hug to my loved ones and even fully living my perfect moment of having a coffee.
In fact it is worth saying that I have had to apologise and lower the pressure by reacting, unintentionally in an impulsive way with my loved ones, when it is normal that the routines at home, are taken care of by me as a mum, but the irritation of the situation with the conflicts that my mother's health crisis has generated, has altered my nerves in a certain way and has left me in a pause of enjoyment.
I have needed to write these lines, because the truth is that I have never had the need to go and sit in a psychologist's chair, I have always had the willpower to face adversity in a calm way, even if today I feel like a flare, so stopping, breathing and writing has allowed me to connect with the present.
It has helped me to remember that everything has a solution and that being alive is one of them, reconnecting with my body is not only wellbeing for me, but for those around me, learning to choose how to feel my emotions is vital to maintain my wellbeing.
Staying present in my life is very important, focusing my thoughts and emotions is a form of self-control that nobody has the right to change, living good and not so good moments is part of this becoming called life.
I don't like to feel this way, to forget the enjoyment and to be looking for moments that make me feel guilty, because this won't definitely help to solve this situation either.
Content and photographs by me edition Canva.