MINCE PIE
CHRISTOPHER MORLEY
TO
F.M. AND L.J.M.
INSTRUCTIONS
MINCE PIE
CONTENTS
MINCE PIE
ON FILLING AN INK-WELL
A GRACE BEFORE WRITING
OLD THOUGHTS FOR CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS CARDS
ON UNANSWERING LETTERS
A LETTER TO FATHER TIME
WHAT MEN LIVE BY
THE UNNATURAL NATURALIST
SITTING IN THE BARBER'S CHAIR
BROWN EYES AND EQUINOXES
163 INNOCENT OLD MEN
A TRAGIC SMELL IN MARATHON
BULLIED BY THE BIRDS
A MESSAGE FOR BOONVILLE
MAKING MARATHON SAFE FOR THE URCHIN
THE SMELL OF SMELLS
A JAPANESE BACHELOR
TWO DAYS WE CELEBRATE
THE URCHIN AT THE ZOO
FELLOW CRAFTSMEN
THE KEY RING
"OWD BOB"
CHAPTER I
(INTRODUCES OUR HERO)
CHAPTER II
(OUR HERO BEGINS A CAREER)
CHAPTER III
(IN WHICH OUR HERO DARTS OFF AT A TANGENT)
CHAPTER IV
(OUR HERO'S BOOK AND HEART SHALL NEVER PART)
CHAPTER V
(FURTHER OSCILLATIONS OF OUR HERO)
CHAPTER VI
(OUR HERO FINDS A STEADY JOB)
THE APPLE THAT NO ONE ATE
AS TO RUMORS
OUR MOTHERS
GREETING TO AMERICAN ANGLERS
MRS. IZAAK WALTON WRITES A LETTER TO HER MOTHER
TRUTH
THE TRAGEDY OF WASHINGTON SQUARE
IF MR. WILSON WERE THE WEATHER MAN
SYNTAX FOR CYNICS
A GRAMMAR OF THE FEMININE LANGUAGE
THE TRUTH AT LAST
AN EXTRACT FROM MARTHA WASHINGTON'S DIARY
FIXED IDEAS
TRIALS OF A PRESIDENT TRAVELING ABROAD
DIARY OF A PUBLISHER'S OFFICE BOY
THE DOG'S COMMANDMENTS
THE VALUE OF CRITICISM
A MARRIAGE SERVICE FOR COMMUTERS
(Fill in railroad as required)
THE SUNNY SIDE OF GRUB STREET
BURIAL SERVICE FOR A NEWSPAPER JOKE
ADVICE TO THOSE VISITING A BABY
ABOU BEN WOODROW
(IN PARIS)
MY MAGNIFICENT SYSTEM
LETTERS TO CYNTHIA
I. IN PRAISE OF BOOBS
II. SIMPLIFICATION
TO AN UNKNOWN DAMSEL
THOUGHTS ON SETTING AN ALARM CLOCK
SONGS IN A SHOWER BATH
HOT WATER
COLD WATER
ON DEDICATING A NEW TEAPOT
THE UNFORGIVABLE SYNTAX
VISITING POETS
A GOOD HOME IN THE SUBURBS
WALT WHITMAN MINIATURES
I
II
III
ON DOORS
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