To give a bit more of a background as to why i became as (in my opinion) messed up as i am.
I grew up in a fairly large family. My parents had 6 children, we weren't by any means well off, my dad worked all hours, my mum stayed home to look after the kids and the house.
Trying to make friends when you have such a large family is hard enough, but add to that the fact that we moved around a lot (average once every 6 - 12 months) and you have a recipe for someone that is destined to never have any friends.
I don't hold it against my parents for moving around so much. We weren't in Council housing, it was always private rentals, and with 6 kids, there's bound to be some pissed off neighbours and a little bit of collateral damage to the house. so not many landlords would want to keep us as tenants.
But this did mean that from a very young age i had to learn how to fit in, and quickly. It was either that or spend the little time i was at the new school/village alone, and nobody wants to be alone.
So i spent a good deal of time watching people, learning how they acted, how they interacted, the difference in their behaviour when they were in a group and on their own, and the types of people that they were drawn to / repelled by. This involved a LOT of trial and error, a few bullying situations, and a lot of isolation, but we never stayed in one place long enough for it to become too big a problem for me. I left quite a few schools being "that weird kid".
By the time i hit college i was easily fluent in fitting in quickly. (or as some people see it, Making friends quickly.)
I was still very uncomfortable around people, but i managed to hide that well (its all about pretending. If you pretend you're comfortable and confident, people will believe that you are).
The skill has got me many a job/party invite/girlfriend but it does leave you somewhat hollow feeling after a while.
Anyway, I am no longer "that weird kid", although i do still watch peoples interactions (force of habit i suppose).
i am now happily married to my gorgeous wife, I have a beautiful daughter (that i pray to whoever listens does not grow up to be as fucked up as me), and i would class myself as being semi successful in life. (decent job, decent enough wage, every weekend off.)
I'll maybe pop back in later and fill in a few more blanks.
Kind of feels like i'm trying to convince the internet that i'm normal though, but hey... its only words on a page from Billy.
